My problem

The biggest problem with not having been in a relationship for so long is that when one starts to come up, I enact a self-fulfilling prophecy by worrying that I'm going to mess things up.

Why can't I be less of a girl and stop over analyzing everything? (No offense to any girls reading this.)

Nope, instead I read into every little thing and play it up to be something much bigger than it probably is.

To anyone else who has this problem: what are your coping techniques? Advice?

Tithing

Money's been tight the past few weeks, not gonna lie. Here's my reinvigorated testimony of tithing:

Tried to pay it about a month ago, but forgot that the check I used was for an account I closed. Bounced, returned.

Then Christmas break happened, and there really wasn't anyone around to take my check anyway.

Time comes to pay it, and by this time it's a fairly substantial amount to pay all at once. Whatever, I'll pay it anyway and trust things will work out. (They always do, after all)

The same day I turn it in, my roommate comes to me with the reimbursement forms for about $110 worth of stuff I'm going to get reimbursed for that I totally forgot about.

I also called and got a $25 fee removed for making a credit card payment a couple hours late. Just cause Amex rocks, they also removed the interest charge.

Today I remember that I not only made a few sales on half.com, but made a new sale of a book that I've had sitting there online for over a year. Another $85 in the bank.

Checked my credit card rewards, and they're already back up to $25. Thanks for the free money, Chase!

Things always work out in the end you guys. That's all I can say.

Thanksgiving message from a thankless place

I know probably very few of you reading this will understand the circumstances this comes from, but it is a good message nonetheless. I'm just copying and pasting part of an email from someone close who has been dealt a rotten hand and is dealing with it in the most amazing and inspiring way I can think of:

"I've thought a lot about The Atonement and Repentance in comparison to the Criminal Justice System.  It seems to me that justice is far less important than punishment in the CJS.  There is talk about rehabilitation, but punishment seems to be the core of the system.  I see as much hypocrisy, unfairness, even dishonesty, taught and practiced here as much as in the free world. It feels like we are subject to a frustrated, hate-based culture; overseen by people who hate the inmates, endure their jobs begrudgingly and don't really like each other. There are exceptions, of course, but I know of few. (Some like their jobs too much.) It is a sad environment. Hope is a challenge if one is not properly armed. But as they say...it's prison! :-)


It is also interesting to note the dedication the public seems to have in seeking revenge and punishment for crimes, and how much money they are willing to waste on it. It makes sense to a certain degree, because we has humans are so deficient in our capacity to heal. So, when something bad happens, and since we can't make it better, we look for someone to punish...whether they are responsible or not in some cases. You've heard the saying, "Someone has to go to jail." It's actually a rule.  


The Gospel plan is much different. The Savior has the ability to heal, truly heal, not only the sinner, but those who suffer because of the sinner. Having that power allows Him to offer a great gift;  forgiveness on condition of repentance. Forgiveness is available in place of punishment because healing is possible. Rather than labeling the sinner forever, He says He will remember the sin no more. Wow! Imagine if that could be put to use in the CJS?  


His forgiveness of the sinner is acceptable to the victims, since He heals them, too. For example, suppose Bernie Madoff (the guy that cheated his investors out of 17 billion dollars and is currently serving something like 150 years in prison) truly repented of what he did, sincerely and in acceptable form to the Savior...and was forgiven? How would the victims feel about that? Now suppose that as part of Bernie's healing process, each investor was not only given ten times what he or she lost, but was healed from all anxiety or any other effect Bernie's actions had on them? (Bernie's son was not involved, but the anger was so great against him, he committed suicide.) Would forgiveness be acceptable to the victims, then?


I am grateful to live in this dispensation where we will be privileged to receive the Savior and live at a time where not only justice will be perfect, but mercy, repentance, forgiveness and healing, as well. It is a great honor and a responsibility. Until then, we do all the good we can and learn to live after the manner of happiness in spite of the world around us. We must succeed under conditions as they are. We can and we will. It's our job. It's why we were born at this time.


I am truly grateful for a clear conscience. I am glad I know I don't belong here. I am grateful for friends and family that know that, too. I am grateful for the peace, and even contentment, the Spirit can give in the midst of adversity. I am also grateful for the sure knowledge that our Heavenly Father lives; that we are his literal children; that He is the literal father of our spirits. He loves us and he wants us to return home with honor. He has given us all we need to get there, too; even to allowing His Only Begotten Son to be sacrificed so we would not have to suffer because of our failures, if we chose. I am really glad that this life, this world, is only a test, and that it is designed for us to ace if we will accept the Holy Ghost as our tutor and Christ as our Savior. I am thankful for the "do overs" He offers and the healing he alone can provide."


I'm grateful that I've been given some of the most amazing opportunities ever. Ever. If I think of my hand compared to the millions or even billions in the world who struggle with survival, all reason to complain is squashed. If you're reading this, you should be dedicating yourself to thanking God more often than you complain. He gives us so much.

How lucky we are!

Debating

Don't forget that just because you may be a better debater than someone doesn't mean you're right or that you have the only answer. If the person you're debating with didn't make the arguments they could have to defend their stance, it still means that those arguments exist and could have been made. They could have just as easily put you on the defensive.

That's what bugs me about politics. People way in to politics always think they're the right ones and that the other guys have it all wrong. They may be great at debating, but if one candidate is way better at debating that the other, it probably means the strengths of the weaker candidates' position are not getting fairly represented for people to see the whole story.

If anything, debates serve to show the overall intelligence of the people debating, and you would obviously want to choose the more intelligent candidate. I just think it's sad when people watch debates and don't keep an open mind, but rather look for "their candidate" to roast the other guy with rhetoric.

My hair color philosophy

A hot blonde girl turns heads.
Frequency: fairly common

A hot brunette stops you in your tracks.
Frequency: uncommon

The Sound of Settling

Our youth is fleeting,
Old age is just around the bend.
And I can't wait to go gray.


And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.

New York City in 3 days

I need to write down a list of the things we did while in New York this weekend before I forget them all. In fact my memory is so poor I'm sure I'm already missing things, but whatever.

In 3 days in NYC, we did/went to/ate at the following:

• Times Square
• Washington Square Park
• Canal Street
• Bought/did some shady shopping while there
• Wall Street
• Occupy Wall Street protests
• 9/11 Memorial
• Bought ties at Century 21 (3 sweet ties for $38 total)
• Shake Shack ($17 fast food meal anyone?) and Flatiron building
• Columbia University (OM Gorgeous campus...)
• Cathedral Church by Columbia
• Metropolitan Museum of Art
• Central Park - row boating on the lake was amazing!
• United Nations - sat in the Security Council's chairs and stood at the General Assembly's pulpit. (Pulpit? Is that only a church term?)
• Halal food street vendor
• LOVE Statue
• Grand Central Station
• Artichoke Basille's Pizza
• Observation deck of the Empire State Building
• Walk the Brooklyn Bridge
• Grimaldi's Pizza
• Staten Island Ferry - nighttime view of the Statue of Liberty and downtown New York City

In 3 days. I know there are a couple other things I'm forgetting too.

And I think I spent less than $300 for the whole trip. Booya!

Spirit

Spirit airlines is bad.

Bags cost $38 to check and $40 to bring on the plane. (Personal items are free! Whoopee!)

The person in front of my at check-in didn't take his own bags to TSA screening (which everyone at La Guardia is supposed to do themselves), but when the employee who checked him in couldn't find the man to tell him to take his bags, he took them there for the man. Nice, right? His manager snapped at him in front of everyone.

Too bad the nice guy mis-tagged my bag and sent it to Fort Lauderdale.

The plane seats were this weird, cracked, fake leather that wasn't very comfortable. Fortunately I slept the entire time (literally got no sleep the night before).

When my baggage didn't come, I went to the Spirit baggage office, which was locked. I knocked on the door--nothing. Knocked harder and a lady back at the carousel was like "did you need something?" It took me a while to realize she worked for that locked Spirit baggage office, so I was like "yeah, I just need my bag."

"All the bags are over there on the carousel."

(Those of you who know me know my absolute biggest pet peeve is people treating me like I'm incompetent or stupid.)

"I know they're supposed to be, but mine isn't over there..."

"What color is it?"

"Tan."

"There's a tan bag right over there on the carousel."

"I can see that, but that isn't my bag."

"Do you have your claim ticket?"

I gave it to her, and she actually took it and tried to match it with the huge tan suitcase that I had just told her wasn't mine.

"Ma'am, I know that isn't my bag..."

So we went into the office, figured out the bag was sent to Florida, and filled out the paperwork.

(This is where the double entendre of the post title comes in)

Just as we were finishing, I felt impressed to ask the lady to repeat my address, just in case.

"1736 Loveland."

"... no, it's 17260 Loveland."

You have to appreciate the small things Heavenly Father does for us.

Thank you Spirit! (The Holy Ghost one, not the airline.)

P.s. Go here for some relevant funny stuff

Over-thinking

I like the way wikipedia explains Occam's Razor as "a principle that generally recommends selecting the competing hypothesis that makes the fewest new assumptions."


But I naturally tend towards making a ton of new assumptions, and then reacting emotionally based on those new assumptions. When I don't have all the information, I assume the worst and react based on that assumption. Makes no sense.


On a somewhat related note, I wanted to relate something I've learned over the past few weeks, relationship-wise. Over-thinking relationships can be the death of them. (Or suffocate them before they can even start. Kinda like the seeds sown in the weeds in Mark 4:3-9)


Here's what I mean. To myself, I am a very persuasive person. In the same way I convince myself that a slew of new assumptions are true, I can convince myself that pretty much anything I don't know much about is true. I can also pretty much talk myself out of anything.


Especially in Provo (maybe all of Utah?), I think the thought pattern goes like this: (feel free to change the gender, because it goes both ways)

"I dunno, I think I kinda like her. But I still don't really know. I should keep dating around to see if she's really the one for me."

"Yeah, I don't know that I'm really super interested in her."

"She's not really my type."

These thoughts, in my opinion, are really just ways to think yourself out of having a relationship that could potentially become something very meaningful. I think part of it also assumes that the "commitment gap" (as I'll call it) between (1) going on dates, (2) dating exclusively, and (3) being engaged are something like this:

(1) ----------- (2) ----------- (3)

Where it is as big a commitment to move from 1 to 2 as it is to move from 2 to 3.

What?!

I mean, maybe we don't consciously think that, but I for one sure act like it. "I don't know if I'm super interested in her." (So... really you're thinking 'why take the huge irreversible step (note the sarcasm) to date her exclusively to find out how interested I am?' Is that what I am really thinking?) "She's not really my type." (How do you know? You've only ever gone after the same kind of person before!)

The gap is truly more like this:

(1) -- (2) ------------------------- (3)

Moral of the story: don't avoid getting into a relationship because it may not work out. Doing so is basically like saying you will only date exclusively the person you fully intend to marry. And then how do you gain experience?

My first philosophy: if I'm not interested after the 1st date, I probably won't ask her out again.

My last philosophy: always go on a second date and keep an open mind. First dates are bad for really getting to know someone

My newest philosophy: just freaking date people! Obviously if there are red flags, then don't go there. But if you're honestly not sure, I say just go for it! The worst thing that could happen is you find out you're not really that interested, and you break up and move on. Isn't that basically the definition of dating before marriage? You learn facts about people on the first few dates. You don't really get to know the person until a pretty substantial amount of time (and maybe even a certain level of commitment?) is spent with them.

If you think too hard about it, you'll probably talk yourself out of it. And maybe even out of feelings you once had for someone.

Believe me. It happens. Unfortunately.

Facebook

Here's an interesting article about a study done at Stanford indicating that time spent on Facebook could contribute to people's sadness and depression. I guess we really don't want to know that other people are having more fun/being more successful than us out there, huh?