Bucket List

So it's been awhile since I've posted. I'm pretty sure I'm going to try to make up for it by posting twice. (It's like when you eat a salad after eating a steak to even out your diet, right? That makes sense I'm pretty sure...)

So I was extraordinarily motivated late one night while I was daydreaming about my new goal to travel the world. I came up with a loosely-organized plan, listed all the places I want to visit, tried to find the cheapest way to do it all, and wrote it all down in an Evernote list.

Then while I was motivated I came up with a bucket list. I expected to forget all about it and procrastinate doing any of it. But it turns out when you're unemployed you've got lots of free time (that which isn't being spent applying places, that is...) to do the stuff you've always been meaning to do.

Anyway, here's my work-in-progress list. I'm currently working on four of them. These are not in any kind of prioritized order.

• Travel the world
• Chop down a tree with an ax
• Mona rope swing one more time
• Ask out a complete stranger
• Build a computer from components
• Learn to make beautiful websites
• Go to culinary school (or at least a few great culinary classes)
• Get married to the girl of my dreams
• Move out of Utah
• Learn/memorize how to fold a fitted sheet
• Fly a kite from a mountain
• Leave a message in a bottle with my contact info
• Do as much family history research as I can get information for
• Go on a date in a foreign country
• Learn Spanish
• Learn French
• Learn Italian
• Learn Japanese
• Learn to do a kick flip on a skateboard
• Learn how to do a backflip
• Make money from selling an iPhone app
• Start a successful business
• Learn to sing like I've always wanted to be able to
• Learn to play the piano
• Start practicing violin again and perform again at least once
• Try growing my hair out
• Ride an elephant
• Be in a place with 24 hours of light/darkness
• See the northern lights
• Throw and catch a boomerang
• Take a road trip on a motorcycle
• Learn to sail
• Learn to tie all those knots from boy scouts I forgot (and know when they're used)
• Learn to pick a lock
• Learn to hot wire a car (if reasonably possible...?)

Can you guess which four I'm currently engaged in?

Over-thinking

I like the way wikipedia explains Occam's Razor as "a principle that generally recommends selecting the competing hypothesis that makes the fewest new assumptions."


But I naturally tend towards making a ton of new assumptions, and then reacting emotionally based on those new assumptions. When I don't have all the information, I assume the worst and react based on that assumption. Makes no sense.


On a somewhat related note, I wanted to relate something I've learned over the past few weeks, relationship-wise. Over-thinking relationships can be the death of them. (Or suffocate them before they can even start. Kinda like the seeds sown in the weeds in Mark 4:3-9)


Here's what I mean. To myself, I am a very persuasive person. In the same way I convince myself that a slew of new assumptions are true, I can convince myself that pretty much anything I don't know much about is true. I can also pretty much talk myself out of anything.


Especially in Provo (maybe all of Utah?), I think the thought pattern goes like this: (feel free to change the gender, because it goes both ways)

"I dunno, I think I kinda like her. But I still don't really know. I should keep dating around to see if she's really the one for me."

"Yeah, I don't know that I'm really super interested in her."

"She's not really my type."

These thoughts, in my opinion, are really just ways to think yourself out of having a relationship that could potentially become something very meaningful. I think part of it also assumes that the "commitment gap" (as I'll call it) between (1) going on dates, (2) dating exclusively, and (3) being engaged are something like this:

(1) ----------- (2) ----------- (3)

Where it is as big a commitment to move from 1 to 2 as it is to move from 2 to 3.

What?!

I mean, maybe we don't consciously think that, but I for one sure act like it. "I don't know if I'm super interested in her." (So... really you're thinking 'why take the huge irreversible step (note the sarcasm) to date her exclusively to find out how interested I am?' Is that what I am really thinking?) "She's not really my type." (How do you know? You've only ever gone after the same kind of person before!)

The gap is truly more like this:

(1) -- (2) ------------------------- (3)

Moral of the story: don't avoid getting into a relationship because it may not work out. Doing so is basically like saying you will only date exclusively the person you fully intend to marry. And then how do you gain experience?

My first philosophy: if I'm not interested after the 1st date, I probably won't ask her out again.

My last philosophy: always go on a second date and keep an open mind. First dates are bad for really getting to know someone

My newest philosophy: just freaking date people! Obviously if there are red flags, then don't go there. But if you're honestly not sure, I say just go for it! The worst thing that could happen is you find out you're not really that interested, and you break up and move on. Isn't that basically the definition of dating before marriage? You learn facts about people on the first few dates. You don't really get to know the person until a pretty substantial amount of time (and maybe even a certain level of commitment?) is spent with them.

If you think too hard about it, you'll probably talk yourself out of it. And maybe even out of feelings you once had for someone.

Believe me. It happens. Unfortunately.

Something to think about

"Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us.

"There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous."

-- Ezra Taft Benson

From a foreign computer

I know many of you reading this may not be fans of Macs, but let me tell you a few things:

• The computer (HP) I'm writing this from seems fairly new and already has an issue with the spacebar. I have to make sure to jam it down so that it actually produces a space.
• Another PC laptop in our apartment is about a year and a half old, and the mouse button doesn't work very well. Actually, it works almost too well, and you have to make sure you're no where near it so you don't actually click stuff you didn't mean to. (It's not a feature of the computer, it's broken.)
• The track pad on this computer is super small. It takes like 3 swipes across it to move the mouse from one side of the screen to the other. I know this is something that can be changed in preferences, so why isn't it??
• I've never even gotten close to getting a virus. I was working on a PC at Leadgenix doing some SEO stuff, and the computer I was on had a quite annoying virus. It was far from the first time I've had to deal with a PC with a virus. 'Nuff said.
• My roommate just told me not to use the volume keys cause it will freeze the computer for like 10 minutes, and that the fan is broken and that the processor might be dying. The computer is 1.5-2 years old.
• The reason I'm writing from a foreign computer is most likely because my video card was faulty. In fact, NVidia, who makes the cards, told Apple they wouldn't be an issue in their computers, and then it was. So the problem most likely isn't a problem with the Apple computer, but with the video card. Apple actually pays for every video card replacement to be done because of this problem, and even reimburse all who already spent their own money to get it fixed.

I think people who hate Macs hate them because they think they're too trendy, or not professional enough, or overpriced. (They are definitely overpriced, I'll concede on that one). Then again maybe I won't concede to that, since I don't have to deal with the aforementioned problems. Ever. That's probably worth the extra money to me.

My frustrations with Macs:

To not be completely one sided, here's what I don't care for:

• You can't NOT put the computer to sleep when you shut it. Silly. (Maybe there's something new, but not that I know of.)
• Very few games. I just want to play Worms Armageddon, Apple! Oh well, I've lived without it so far.

Well that's about it. Not too bad.

I'm not a sugar daddy

Starting tomorrow Kellie "the Bone" and I are going to refrain from eating anything with refined sugars in it for 5 days. I am positive this will turn out to be MUCH harder than I think. Pretty much anything that comes in a box will have sugar added to it, and I won't be able to eat it. I may end up starving tomorrow until I get a chance to go to the store on Monday to buy stuff I can actually eat. Or maybe I'll just eat oatmeal all day.

Just thinking about it makes me realize that I definitely don't eat enough fruits and vegetables. And that makes me think that maybe I'm not as healthy as I thought I was. Or maybe I just say that because I ate half a large pizza today. Yeah that's probably the real reason.

Anyway, I guess it'll be an adventure. It reminds me of when I was in high school and my mom and I decided we were going to eat like vegetarians for one week. The only thing I remember is that I went over to a friend's house and told his family about it (it came up in regular conversation) and I overheard them talking about it to each other and they thought it had something to do with me being Mormon. (I had recently converted.)

Anyway, I'm done writing. Maybe tomorrow I'll blog about my conversion, because I realize I haven't really said much about it on here. Yay!

Efficiency Expert

After some research last week and some more today, I found ways to save my mom about $500/month just in our insurance and phone plans. Booya! Maybe I should charge a small fee to people to help them save money or time doing things more efficiently. I'm pretty sure I've heard of people actually doing that. Anyone interested in my efficiency services? :-)

It's looking like I'm going to be spending a majority of my time on my computer this summer.

• Learning SEO with Leadgenix
• Learning Adobe programs with BYU's OIT Training AND with the free Comms Department Lynda.com training membership
• Starting a website or two just to see if I can (and maybe start up a business or NPO?)
• Studying for the GMAT

All not including the time I spend on my computer already. What a nerd.

Honesty, anonymously

Try saying that 3 times fast!

I have a friend (who is a girl) who just moved in to a new ward. (I'm not sure if she reads my blog or not, so if you know this is about you and you're upset that I know the following about you, I'm sorry! Please don't be mad!)

That being said, she told a guy friend of mine that she wanted to make a good impression on the guys in her new ward and was wondering what it was she could do to be more attractive physically and in personality. She believes she has an issues with quickly becoming a friend and never moving past that phase.

Frankly, I like this approach of hers and I would like to propose that all of you who read this blog (and who know me personally) do the same.

The rules:

1. Be anonymous. When posting your comments/opinions, sign out of your own account and don't include your name. I'm fairly certain this is possible for everyone, but I'm not positive. I believe this will help people feel open to express their true opinions. (I think when it asks you to choose the profile you're posting as, there is an option to post as "anonymous.")
   
2. Be specific. If it's my hair, my dress, my musk, don't just state it. Let me know what you think I could/should do to be more appealing/pleasant.
3. Be honest. Remember that because it is anonymous I REALLY WON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I mean, I know who follows my blog and all, but I won't be able to match the comments with the profiles. And I won't look for ways to match them up either, because I don't care. I just want your true opinions/thoughts on the matter.
   
4. Be diverse. Try to include both physical and personality suggestions if you can.
   

I was going to include a 5th rule saying not to be rude, but I know none of you are so I don't worry about that :-) Of course you all know I can take a joke so it's not like you can't throw a jab here and there.

This is not an exercise in self-esteem building or compliment fishing! You can compliment, but only if you have a suggestion/opinion/general betterment to offer with it. And don't feel like you need to compliment me to offset a suggestion you have. I won't take it personally!

I really appreciate people's input. I've described my dating woes as self-inflicted a few times before, and it hasn't changed quite yet. But I would like to be prepared as best I can as soon as I finally come to my senses.

And that is about to happen very soon. I can feel it coming.

August goals

 I think I like the picture at the beginning of the post. It adds feeling.

Alright, well a recap of my August goals:

Body - Improve my posture: I've done pretty well. I've been much more aware of how I hold myself, and have tried to straighten up (physically, not behaviorally). I can't tell how much it has helped, but I like to think I've start to make it a habit at least to notice my posture every now and then.

Mind - Improve my memory: I haven't done very well with this. Fortunately with the new semester starting and my increased responsibility to remember names of ward members, I think September may be a better month for this. I will make it one of my mind goals again.

Spirit - Improve my scripture study: It has definitely improved a lot! I really like the read-less-write-more technique, and will definitely be continuing it (hopefully with even more regularity) until I find something better. I think I made it a little more than every 3rd day in August, which I think I can attribute to the business of travelling. (Attribute, NOT excuse...)

Misc. - read more: Definitely doing well. I finished The Glass Castle a couple of weeks ago (thank you unnecessarily long routes to Detroit! SLC - Phoenix - Atlanta - Detroit) and I am about halfway through Ender's Game. I think once school starts it will be more of a challenge to read for recreation, but I will try to continue it. If I see myself trailing off, I may have to make it another misc. goal again.

Keep me accountable! I'll try to come up with some really good September goals now.

Photo from here

Body, Mind, Spirit, and Miscellaneous

I made goals at the beginning this year. I'm not going to mention how well I'm doing at achieving them, but let it be known that I'm not failing at them all :-) Just most of them...

Anyway, I was thinking today about goals, and I realized that maybe a way to keep my goals on the top of my mind is to set goals each month instead of each year. (I can still set yearly goals, but maybe make my monthly goals more specific and make sure they help me achieve my long-term goals.)

So I read a good post about posture the other day and realized that I need to improve mine. Then on my way to the adlab today I realized I should also find ways to improve my memory (because it's terrible unless I'm dealing with numbers). Then I thought, "well I've got a 'body' goal and a 'mind' goal, why not have a 'spirit' goal too?" Then I thought, "but if I have all those, then I won't be able to have a more fun goal, like learning to juggle, typing the right way, or whistling loud. But what would I call that?"

So now I have my very own "Body, Mind, Spirit, and Miscellaneous" self-improvement system. I'm going to come up with a goal in each one of those categories, and try to improve that part of my life for a month. My hope is that it will become habit by the end of the month, and I can move on to another goal. (For example, I won't have to consciously think about improving my posture, but will hopefully do it out of habit.)

(As a side note, I can do as many goals in the "Miscellaneous" category as I want in a month. I can also go above and beyond in any of the categories if I want.)

So in August we have:

Body - Improve my posture. I am going to keep my back straight when I sit and stand, and keep my head up as I walk. It help me to think about how not slouching stops my ribs from cramming my stomach organs forward as it talks about in the Art of Manliness blog referenced above. Cause that's just gross. And this way I'll probably have even more of a rippling 6-pack than I already have. Yes... the one I already have...

Mind - Improve my memory. Whenever someone tell me their name, I'm going to remember it. I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to accomplish this yet, but I think the Wilk actually holds little classes/gives suggestions on how to improve your memory skills, so I may just go look into that.

Spirit - Improve my scripture study. I've always been very on and off with scripture reading. Instead of focusing on the amount of time I read every day, I'm going to read for at least 5 minutes every day, but also write at least one sentence down about something I learned/felt while reading. I hope to be able to increase the time/amount that I write in the future, but for now this will suffice.

Misc. - Read more. Other than scripture study, I want to read more. I've been doing alright this past week in reading, but I know once I finish the book I'm on I'll have to have another one waiting for me or else I may not continue. I would like to read at least a book a month, even when things get crazy in the Fall.

There you have it. Feel free to stay on top of me with these and ask me how they're going. Maybe a little accountability is what I need to keep me going.

Also, if you read all the way through this post, please leave me a quick comment, even just to say "I read it all." I would like to know who actually reads my blog! :-) Thanks!

Myself

I want to be myself as much as I can, but sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am most of the time.

The conclusion I've come to is that who I am is always changing. I try to be easygoing, but sometimes I'm not. I try to go with the flow but sometimes I get stuck in my ways. I try to learn new things but sometimes I just get lazy. Maybe instead of seeing myself as always short of who I want to be, I should be happy for the progress I've already made. Maybe that way I can find ways to change the things I want to, but not get down on myself when I fail. After all, it seems like it would be hard to be happy with change if you never feel good enough about it.

I noticed the other day that not only do I try to have certain qualities, but I try to avoid other qualities. I spend too much time worrying about who I don't want to become that I sometimes forget to work on becoming who I DO want to be.

For example, I often find myself thinking, "I want to [insert something that takes you out of your comfort zone, like asking a girl/guy you just met out], but I don't want to be one of THOSE guys/girls." Well what if I don't want to be one of those guys but I still want to do that uncomfortable thing? What if I think it'll help me grow?

A roommate and I were talking about how a tactic I read a little while ago. It's meant to be a way to get over the awkwardness you feel when trying to approach a total stranger. Basically stated, you practice. You go to a mall and just approach strangers and try to strike up a conversation. When I first hear that I think "well I want to be able to talk to random people and make friendships, but I don't want to be one of those guys..." Is any of this making sense?

Conclusion: less worrying about what other people think. Less worrying about what I think of other people. More risks to take, since I pretty much only have something to gain.

I did it!

I just added labels to all my past blog posts. You know how when you've got nothing to do, you finally get around to doing those things you've always meant to do, but never had time? Yeah, that's what today has been. I was going to go running, but instead I updated my blog and blogger profile...

While I'm here, I had a thought when I went to the airport a few weeks ago. We were sitting in the park & wait and I was noticing just how many people were there waiting for people they cared about to pick them up. I mean, going to the airport in the kind of weather that day is not a pleasant experience, but clearly it would be more pleasant to get to see/help out the friend or loved one that had been gone. It was touching in all of its "Love, Actually" manner. (I was looking for a good YouTube video to post here of the Love, Actually intro, but I could only find this. Please ignore the 80's quality music and the Arabic (Farsi? Elvish?) subtitles. Oh and at 1:00 you can just stop watching altogether cause then it cuts to the end and kinda ruins the mood.)

Hodgepodge

So I started this little collection of random thoughts a few weeks ago, and just realized I haven't been adding much to it, so I thought I'd just finally post it.

Answers to my own questions:
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Isn't the answer right there in front of you? San Diego! (Yes, I know that's just her name, but play along...)

How often do I ever answer my own questions? During prayer? During reflection? During self-evaluation? When is the answer right in front of my face? If we're really looking for it that hard, why can't we find it when it's so obvious?

Universalities
There are no hard-and-fast rules to practically anything! Name the rule, someone could probably name the exception.

Nike gives good advice when they say "just do it." It's harder than it sounds, but I guess that's what Nike's all about.

People (myself DEFINITELY included) need to lighten up and just enjoy things and learn to be empathetic. I should lose the sarcasm and learn to listen to people effectively.

Politicians are in a prime position to use superordinate goals to unite all people trying to make this country better, but instead they bicker and whine and thereby accomplish only a fraction of what they could. Compromise is a much less desirable conflict resolution method than using superordinate goals to accomplish a common goal.

Too Dizzy

I know that's not the right kind of "to."

So in one of my random Wikipedia-skipping adventures (you know, the ones where you go to look one thing up and end up reading about 20 different articles? It's sort of a brain-cell-strengthening version of surfing videos on YouTube since you actually feel more informed afterward...), I came across the Wikipedia article for Madonna. I had no idea she was born in Michigan!

Anyway, I was really impressed to read about her beginnings. Here's a selection:

"Madonna's ballet teacher persuaded her to pursue a career in dance, so she left the college at the end of 1977 and relocated to New York City.^[20] Madonna had little money and for some time lived in squalor, working at Dunkin' Donuts and with modern dance troupes.^[21] Speaking of her move to New York, Madonna said, "It was the first time I'd ever taken a plane, the first time I'd ever gotten a taxi cab. I came here with $35 in my pocket. It was the bravest thing I'd ever done."

I think of all the times I've considered being a musician, or an actor, or a photographer, and how every time I abandoned the idea because the road would be too hard and I was worried about what people might think. It makes me think of when children say they want to be astronauts. At what point does that dream fade? When do kids stop saying they want to be an astronaut (or a policeman, or fireman, etc.) and say "I want to go into electrical engineering," or "I think I want to be in accounting." Not to say there's anything wrong with wanting those things, but what changed? Is it that they honestly no longer wanted to be an astronaut? Or did they worry about what other people would think? Or was it just too hefty of a goal for them?

DON'T LET THE OUTSIDE INFLUENCE WHO YOU WANT TO BE ON THE INSIDE!!! Although environmental factors play a big role in who we become, once we reach a conscious state in which we can actively make choices as to who we become, we don't need to let ourselves be controlled by other factors than our own will.

Speaking of will:



Lizzy: LIVE YOUR LIFE! BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER HOW ANYONE ELSE MAKES YOU THINK OR FEEL!!!! I know that was basically verbatim what you asked to hear, so I'm sorry for my lack of originality in this paragraph. Hopefully something else in this blog helps too though.

Do what you want to do, and don't let someone else determine what that is. Develop your skills and personality to mold yourself into who YOU want to be, not who you think someone else wants you to be. One of my biggest fears as a missionary was that people would join the church because they liked the missionaries and didn't want to disappoint us. I was afraid of that because either the investigators would lose their testimonies uber fast, or they would never really gain one in the first place. One of the most important things about constantly re-gaining a testimony is that you need to want it. If I just go to church because I don't want to disappoint someone else, can I honestly believe that I am progressing?? Sure I may be learning things that I wouldn't learn otherwise, but what good is it if I have no motivation to apply the things I learn??

Take time to meditate for a while, extricate the outside influences from your thoughts, and draw up all the plans of things you want to do with your life and who you want to be. Include detail and maybe a few deadlines. Make some pros-and-cons lists. Then pray and ask what Heavenly Father thinks about it all. (I guess I would be wrong in saying ignore ALL outside influences then, huh? Whoops.) The difference is that God won't judge you for who you decide to become as long as you're doing what's right in the eternal perspective.

Then remember that everything cool comes from Michigan (including Madonna) and eat some amazing homemade Winger's chicken.

New day

Each day is a victory,

Each week is a grand celebration,

Each month is a miracle.

Each year is another shot at something more.

I'm too tired to write much more tonight. People who can say "I struggle" are my heroes. I think a "gifted" person is often a misnomer for an "accomplished" or "practiced" person.

Forward Thinking

I tried to upload this a few days ago and it didn't work (on blogspot, that is. It worked on Facebook and Youtube.) So I figure I would just include the link to the Youtube version. Make sure to watch it in High Quality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT0F1vLd4ko

Sands of time

Besides being one of my favorite games for Xbox (Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. If you haven't played it, you should), time really does pass by as if it were slipping through an hourglass. To me, each grain of sand falling to the bottom represents an opportunity. The opportunity will pass one way or another, no matter what I do, but the difference is whether or not I appreciate and take advantage of it as it is passing.

The New Year represents a time when people flip over their hourglasses and try to find ways to recapture the missed opportunities. Of course there are some that can never be recaptured, so I guess some of the grains just kind of disappear each time the hourglass is flipped, and new ones appear. Then there are the ones that are always the same, such as the "lose weight" grain, or the "read my scriptures every day" grain.

I'm going to take advantage of the "don't miss any good opportunities" grain this year. Goals are an important thing to be restructuring and creating at all times during the year, but annual goals are an important way to keep your mind on the big picture. They're what the monthly and weekly and daily goals lead to. The daily goal can be to walk a mile every day, but the purpose is to lead you to the goal to lose 20 pounds this year. (These are my dad's goals, not mine. I need to gain weight this year I think...)

I made a list of things I want to learn (both big and small) and things I want to do/accomplish (bot big and small), as well as things about myself I want to change. Then I need to go through and make specific goals to accomplish each one. Otherwise it won't get done, and I'll watch more grains pass by without appreciating them. It's funny how my goal to seize opportunities helps me set and accomplish my other goals.

Just for fun, here's a list of some of the small things I want to learn/do this year:

- Learn how to do one of those loud whistles
- Learn how to juggle
- Learn how to type the real way
- Learn about investing
- Learn some more about cooking
- Go on a date a week
- Either go on a hot air balloon ride, or go skydiving
- Climb mount Timp
- Make a real study journal for scripture study

I like the beginning of the new year. It feels like there's something clean about it. Not quite like starting over, like baptism, but there's definitely something "new" about the new year. Somehow, it makes sense to me why Lucy in A Charlie Brown Christmas won't eat December snowflakes, but waits for January snowflakes. I can't explain it, it just seems right.

Happy January 2009! Don't let any important grains of sand pass you by this year.

akabl

That's the code I just had to type in to leave a comment on another blog :-)

So I had this idea for what I was feeling, and then I realized it's an awful lot like an awful chain e-mail thing I've gotten before. (note: by "awful chain e-mail" I mean that I dislike chain e-mails in general, but this one had a good message.)

Why do I have such problems expressing to people how much I appreciate them? I do it WAY more now than I ever used to (even just a year ago or so), but it's still way hard for me! Easier though...

I love my problems! How lucky am I to be worrying about getting assignments done on time?? How lucky am I that I get frustrated that I type the word "efficient" wrong half the time, that I oftentimes find myself doing nothing in my apartment alone, that I have no food in my cupboards, and that the guys upstairs love Dance Dance Revolution too much??

If the world were a village of 100 people, I would be one of seven in the village who have a computer to type "efficient" wrong on, and the ONLY ONE worrying about getting assignments done for a university! I'm one of eight who has money in a bank, my wallet, and spare change at the same time. (I need to leave the computer and go grocery shopping... p.s. it turns out I spell "grocery" wrong a lot too.)

The Lord gives everyone their own problems to deal with, but nothing that is more than they can live with. I wrote a paper from 9:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Dec 10 until 1:30 p.m. on Thursday, Dec 11, stopping only for about an hour and a half total to eat and shower, only to find out three minutes before class started that the printer in the Tanner Building wasn't working. Having remembered the lesson from MCom about problem solving (not giving our problems to someone else to solve), I ran back to class to verify that the paper was due within the first 10 minutes of class, ran up the 90 stairs on the Tanner Building and across the street (this doesn't sound like much unless you've recently tried doing it 29 hours after having woken up) to print the paper off, ran back, and turned it in. I really had to work until the last second to get this blasted assignment done on time. But it wasn't more than I could handle.

How many people in the world would love to do what I did yesterday? Well, if it were a village of 100 people, about 99 of them. Not 100 though. Usually the 1 person complains about the toll school is taking on them.

I love my problems! Life could have been so much less generous to me.

The Lord gives us the trials we have to test and stretch us, so I don't think belittling the difficulties we face is really the best way to learn from them. But I sure appreciate that I have the problems I do, because it means I'm not suffering in ways most of the world is.

I'm going to go shower in warm water, choose what clothes I want to wear, eat something (I don't think we really understand what it means to have NO food in the cupboards...), drive in my car to the store that is within walking distance to buy food, and then plan what to do with all my spare time today.

Today, 100 people want to fret about getting assignments done on time.

Competition can only limit you

I was in an Entrepreneur Lecture class yesterday and had one of those the-guy-speaking-said-something-basic-but-I-expounded-on-it-until-I-had-an-epiphany moments. The guy runs the Provo Great Harvest Bread Company franchise, and was talking about competition when he first opened his store here. He said after bread sales began to skyrocket, other bread companies started opening up around town. Then he talked about his attitude towards dealing with the competition, and basically said he didn't pay attention to them--they were in competition with him, and not the other way around.

Then I realized that focusing on being in competition with someone limits you. Why set the bar just barely higher than the person you're competing with rather than just work as hard as you can to set it as high as you can? That's like running a race just fast enough to beat someone you're competing against, rather than trying to do your best in the first place.

I think it applies to living the gospel too. Why do just what we're asked to do, when we're told to be anxiously engaged in a good cause of our own free will? Don't just obey the commandments, live them! Don't just avoid tobacco, alcohol, and drugs, but eat well and exercise! Don't wonder how close to the edge you can get before falling, but stay as far from it as you can! Don't compare yourself to those around you, but just try to be the best you can be. That way you're not limiting yourself to the best someone else can do (especially since they also may not be trying their hardest to be the best they can be!). On the other hand, you're also not getting frustrated for falling short of other people's best (this is much more what I have to worry about).

I only have a vague idea of what I want to say

So I think I'll try out this stream of consciousness thing. I guess I'll see if it goes anywhere. Basically I was thinking a lot on my way down to Cedar City about random things, and I think I'd like to see if maybe I can actually communicate something better by putting my thoughts straight onto paper without editing them.

I was thinking about how everyone seems to have a shell, and some people's shells are thin and others are thick. And then I realized I think people have a few layers of shells, and that it really takes some knowing to get deep into someone's real personality. That's one of the things I'm looking forward to when it comes time for marriage and stuff: getting inside every last layer of someone. I don't think I completely have that with anyone, and it's starting to get frustrating.

It's always "How was your day?" "It was fine, how was yours?" "Fine" at first, even when someone has had a terrible day. I think our outer shell should be destroyed altogether. We should be able to communicate our real thoughts (to an extent, of course; don't want to freak people out or cross any lines) even when we first meet someone. I'm always impressed when I meet someone who I can feel is really a genuine person, and it's one of my favorite qualities.

I wish I could break into new layers of the people I associate with and get to know them just way better than I already do. I wish I could ask questions without being worried about what other people will think of me for asking them. Why is it so taboo to ask something you know is on everyone's mind? Just because no one is talking about it? I want to go on walks with friends and get to know them better than I already do, and I want them to not think it's strange. I want to bring out those issues that everyone has but no one feels comfortable talking about. And I want to be the kind of person that my friends feel comfortable talking about those sort of things with, no matter how random, unusual, or taboo they may be. Therefore, I want to be a better listener.

It's hard not to delete stuff I've already written, I tell you what.

I want to completely shed my outer shell and not be so uptight about protecting myself from hurt. I guess I just want all worry about things that I shouldn't be worried about to go away altogether. School will work out fine. Girls will work out fine. My Christmas plans will all work out fine. Come what may, and LOVE IT.

I never go to bed when I'm so tired. Why do I do that? I could be falling asleep on the couch and then find something to do that keeps me awake. I think I crave interaction a little too much sometimes. And its funny how it's always in the evening. I could have a long day sitting around doing basically nothing, but I can't stand to do that in the evening/night! It's like there's too much to be done, and like I'm missing out on something important. Who knows who I might meet? Who knows what friendship I might make stronger? I won't until I go find out.

I wish people came to visit us more often. Do we put ourselves out there too much? Now I know how Virginia and Theresa feel, and I understand how it must be hard for them to come over all the time when we never go visit them. That's a new goal of mine: go visit Virginia and Theresa!

I have such a random sense of making other people comfortable. I feel like when it least matters I do everything I can to make someone else's life easier, even if it's as trivial as spending less time at a drinking fountain so others can drink sooner, or moving over when someone is trying to get by. Then, when it most matters (or perhaps is most obvious) I totally drop the ball and inconvenience someone else's life. I definitely need to work on that. I don't do it on purpose, I just don't think about it first. Sorry if I've done that to anyone reading this. Really.

Advertisements are successful when they can resonate with the audience, like when you touch something in the person that makes them believe you really understand them. It reminds me of when The Office had the opening with the office crew watching the DVD sign float around the screen waiting for it to bounce exactly in the corner. Its something that practically everyone has at least thought about, but not too many people talk about it. That brings me back to the whole people's shells thing. There are so many questions I'm sure I've had for my friends/family that I've never taken the time to get over my fear and just ask. My relationships would be so much more meaningful if I could just ask people the things that were on my mind without worrying what they'd think. Maybe that'll be my goal number 2.

I've gone on for long enough. And I'm starting to think too much before I type my thoughts down, so either I'm running out of things to say or I'm just getting too tired.

Lizzy, you're one of the funnest, most genuine people I know. I haven't made such a good friend in such a relatively short time in so many years. Thanks for being so awesome.

Ace, you're like a brother to me, and that's saying a lot since I don't have any real full siblings. And cause both our moms rock so hard, so its like we could be brothers from either one or BOTH!

And that about sums it up for everyone who reads this :-P

I'm thanking people honestly tomorrow.