Over-thinking

I like the way wikipedia explains Occam's Razor as "a principle that generally recommends selecting the competing hypothesis that makes the fewest new assumptions."


But I naturally tend towards making a ton of new assumptions, and then reacting emotionally based on those new assumptions. When I don't have all the information, I assume the worst and react based on that assumption. Makes no sense.


On a somewhat related note, I wanted to relate something I've learned over the past few weeks, relationship-wise. Over-thinking relationships can be the death of them. (Or suffocate them before they can even start. Kinda like the seeds sown in the weeds in Mark 4:3-9)


Here's what I mean. To myself, I am a very persuasive person. In the same way I convince myself that a slew of new assumptions are true, I can convince myself that pretty much anything I don't know much about is true. I can also pretty much talk myself out of anything.


Especially in Provo (maybe all of Utah?), I think the thought pattern goes like this: (feel free to change the gender, because it goes both ways)

"I dunno, I think I kinda like her. But I still don't really know. I should keep dating around to see if she's really the one for me."

"Yeah, I don't know that I'm really super interested in her."

"She's not really my type."

These thoughts, in my opinion, are really just ways to think yourself out of having a relationship that could potentially become something very meaningful. I think part of it also assumes that the "commitment gap" (as I'll call it) between (1) going on dates, (2) dating exclusively, and (3) being engaged are something like this:

(1) ----------- (2) ----------- (3)

Where it is as big a commitment to move from 1 to 2 as it is to move from 2 to 3.

What?!

I mean, maybe we don't consciously think that, but I for one sure act like it. "I don't know if I'm super interested in her." (So... really you're thinking 'why take the huge irreversible step (note the sarcasm) to date her exclusively to find out how interested I am?' Is that what I am really thinking?) "She's not really my type." (How do you know? You've only ever gone after the same kind of person before!)

The gap is truly more like this:

(1) -- (2) ------------------------- (3)

Moral of the story: don't avoid getting into a relationship because it may not work out. Doing so is basically like saying you will only date exclusively the person you fully intend to marry. And then how do you gain experience?

My first philosophy: if I'm not interested after the 1st date, I probably won't ask her out again.

My last philosophy: always go on a second date and keep an open mind. First dates are bad for really getting to know someone

My newest philosophy: just freaking date people! Obviously if there are red flags, then don't go there. But if you're honestly not sure, I say just go for it! The worst thing that could happen is you find out you're not really that interested, and you break up and move on. Isn't that basically the definition of dating before marriage? You learn facts about people on the first few dates. You don't really get to know the person until a pretty substantial amount of time (and maybe even a certain level of commitment?) is spent with them.

If you think too hard about it, you'll probably talk yourself out of it. And maybe even out of feelings you once had for someone.

Believe me. It happens. Unfortunately.

Maud Muller

You've probably heard the line Pres. Monson quotes a lot in conference:

"For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'"

(Ugh, just reading that breaks my heart a little bit. How come it feels like I still have regrets for something not working out even when I did everything I could? Maybe it's not a regret, but just the thought of what might have been.)

Well if you have a couple of minutes you should read the whole poem. It's a great and sad story. And a perfect example of why having no regrets is so amazing.

Ughmath

The title is in opposition of the YouTube channel "Yaymath," which has actually given me a great review of math principles I've forgotten over the years.

Speaking of math, I think that if you let f(x) = (1/x) = number of showers I took today, x being the amount of busyness/fun I had today, then:

lim x->infinity f(x) = 1/x = 0.

In other (real-people) words, I was so super busy/had so much fun today that I definitely never had a chance to take a shower... whoops.

Woke up at 8, studied math until 9:45, took my test from 10-12, regretted some of my answers from 12:15-12:45, picked up Ari to run some prepare-for-NYC errands, etc. from 1-3:20, sold another football ticket/went to the dismal football game from 3:20-6-ish, ate some Dairy Queen, gassed up my car, and went to the Real Salt Lake Soccer game from 7-11-ish.

Some concerns of mine as of late:

• I don't know how things are happening in NYC yet. I don't even know where our place is...
• I feel like I should feel like I have a TON to do to get ready for NYC, but I feel like I just need to pack and then I'll be ready.
• I find myself wanting to listen to Dashboard Confessional. Those of you who really know me know what that means.
• I *really* want to get As in all of my classes this semester but I'm starting to wonder if that's going to happen...

Well I'm going to bed. This should be an interesting week to say the least.

Myself

I want to be myself as much as I can, but sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am most of the time.

The conclusion I've come to is that who I am is always changing. I try to be easygoing, but sometimes I'm not. I try to go with the flow but sometimes I get stuck in my ways. I try to learn new things but sometimes I just get lazy. Maybe instead of seeing myself as always short of who I want to be, I should be happy for the progress I've already made. Maybe that way I can find ways to change the things I want to, but not get down on myself when I fail. After all, it seems like it would be hard to be happy with change if you never feel good enough about it.

I noticed the other day that not only do I try to have certain qualities, but I try to avoid other qualities. I spend too much time worrying about who I don't want to become that I sometimes forget to work on becoming who I DO want to be.

For example, I often find myself thinking, "I want to [insert something that takes you out of your comfort zone, like asking a girl/guy you just met out], but I don't want to be one of THOSE guys/girls." Well what if I don't want to be one of those guys but I still want to do that uncomfortable thing? What if I think it'll help me grow?

A roommate and I were talking about how a tactic I read a little while ago. It's meant to be a way to get over the awkwardness you feel when trying to approach a total stranger. Basically stated, you practice. You go to a mall and just approach strangers and try to strike up a conversation. When I first hear that I think "well I want to be able to talk to random people and make friendships, but I don't want to be one of those guys..." Is any of this making sense?

Conclusion: less worrying about what other people think. Less worrying about what I think of other people. More risks to take, since I pretty much only have something to gain.

We're not as dumb as we want people to believe we are

Every time I hear someone say something along the lines of "he/she is just so dense, they don't pick up on all the signals I've been sending," I think "what's probably happening is that he/she isn't interested in you and they chose the 'ignore the problem until it goes away' approach." Men are particularly good at doing this.

I think I do a pretty good job at picking up on signals. I often just don't want to act on it / am too indecisive to know whether or not I want to act on it or not.

I promise I'm happy

So a good friend just helped me realize that my blog posts as of recent have been lonly-esque and a little bit in downersville. Then I realized that while Facebook has become a place for me to spread my happy moments and realizations, this blog has unfortunately taken the brunt of emotion and become a place to vent frustration.

How about this one: I was driving home two days ago and a song from "Dan in Real Life" was playing on my iPod, and I realized just how happy life really is. It was for a moment all of the junky things people have to go through made sense, and that it is all worth it. (Ignore the terrible grammar of that sentence, please.) I helped comfort someone in distress on Sunday, I was reminded how greatful I am for the Restoration, and once again got to compare my life now with my hypothetical "I was never tracted out by the missionaries and subsequently baptized/converted" life. Being a member of the church has only made life harder.

Oh yeah, and wonderfuller. Can't forget wonderfuller.

Laura's right: butterflies in the stomach is great. I had it for the first time in a long time this week, and I'm hoping to have it again soon! I need to get her number first. :-P Wish me luck!

Along those lines, here's a funny one: last month I met a girl but never got her number. She seemed at least a little interested, so I was kinda bummed. Finally, after complaining to our mutual friend, he found an excuse for me to see her again. Something was different this time though--she seemed distant and less interested, including a classic playbook "hey, this is my friend so-and-so. She doesn't know many people around here." When instead I kept talking to her (kindly greeting her friend and continuing my conversation), this happened:

"Oh, well I just saw something on my fridge that I need to go look at. I think it might be a cleaning check notice, in which case I would have to clean all day tomorrow." (Exit: girl.)

'Nuff said.

Except that we overheard conversation that implied she has a boyfriend. Now 'nuff said.