I haven't felt as unmotivated in a long time as I do today. It's a constant battle I always seem to have to fight, but at some point or another, I always seem to have days where I'm just not motivated at all.
Things that propel my unmotivation:
- Everyone else seems to be better at everything that is useful. I am not really excellent at anything.
- I struggle to find things that interest me. I just don't care about anything. Actually, what I should say is that I feel like I don't care about anything. Disinterest plagues me.
- I'm forgetful. The more I forget to do, the more I feel like I am unreliable. The more unreliable I feel I am, the less interest I have in doing anything because I feel like I will just fail.
- I feel like the things I learn in my classes are the "easy way out." Maybe (hopefully) all that really means is that I understand principles of advertising/marketing naturally, and that I'll be good at it for however long I actually am in that field. At the same time, I just feel like other people are learning much more sophisticated things in their majors, and it makes me feel less educated. But I'm not interested in those other things enough to actually study them.
- I'm lazy. It seems like I have no problem going out and getting my errands done, but I cannot, for the life of me, get anything else that I should be getting done, done.
That's all for now. I just needed to get my thoughts written out. Hopefully my next post about my personal theme for 2010 will be more optimistic/less depressing.
I don't want to pretend like I know exactly how you're feeling, but it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who feels apathetic. I have the opportunity in my technical writing class to research whatever subject I want extensively and become an "expert" on it, and I can't for the life of me come up with something I'm really interested in. How the heck am I supposed to write a master's thesis in the future if I can't think of a single chemistry topic that interests me?! Also, the one thing I've loved since fifth grade has ceased to interest me at all. I have zero motivation to practice for dance. I have no interest in improving my dancing. And I've definitely felt not excellent at anything before, especially this semester when it seems like everyone less smart than me has been whittled out of my classes. All of the French students have awesome speaking skills and have way more interesting input to give, all of the chemists do better on quizzes than me, and ballroom competitions have not gone well at all this year.
ReplyDeleteNow that I've written a novel of a comment...
just know that you're not alone.
Sorry for being a whiner. :)
My aunt found out that her passion was computer programming, in the 90s, when she was in her 50s. She excels at it now. Julia Child was in her 40s before she started cooking seriously. What you're describing sounds like a familiar feeling...and sometimes I comfort myself by telling myself that I'm young and have plenty of time to find and excel at one thing that I'm passionate about. But that may not be the case. There are also people like my grandma, who has lived a life of dabbling in whatever whim catches her interest at the moment and never finding one big passion, working in a job that was more about the relationships she found there and having a way to support herself than the work, making family the most important thing in the world, traveling, and keeping in touch with almost everyone she's ever known. She's 86, still living like this, and one of the happiest people I know. Doesn't sound so bad, does it?
ReplyDeleteI feel that also.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry - I think the system of "School" is stifling in and of itself. It jam-packs you with "necessary" information - necessary to your major. But there is more to life than your major. Like your running errands, but not doing things you "should" be doing, I find myself doing things i WANT to be doing versus what i "should" be doing. There's a big difference, I think. And i think as long as your're being productive in SOME way - even if it's only doing what you WANT to be doing or learning, you shouldn't feel bad about it. A degree is a degree - whether packed with A's, B's, or C's. What's the most valuable is your personal drive. And for me? Well - i've been trying to find it wherever i can get it.