Here's something that came to me tonight:
Don't expect to be able to judge how romantically interested you are in someone by the time you've spent together platonically.
Maybe you disagree? Let me know your thoughts, cause I'm still thinking through it myself.
There were a lot of post-mission romantic relationships, most of which were entirely platonic pre-mission, and many of which led to marriage, that came out of my freshman ward. Maybe in this case it's more that you can judge romantic interest based on how you feel when someone who was previously just a friend is gone.
ReplyDeleteBut does that mean that friendships can't evolve into something romantic? Like, do you have to lose the friendship first?
ReplyDeleteAlmost all of us (I was part of one of the couples, obviously not one that ended up married)started realizing the romantic nature of relationship before the guy left. I can think of 4 couples off the top of my head for which this was the case, 3 are now married. Well, 3 1/2... my ex is married :P
ReplyDeleteMy experience has been that if at some point a relationship changed from romantic to platonic it isn't going to be changing back. Ever. Even if you continue to flirt sometimes. I realize that there are some instances where this isn't necessarily the case but you have to decide if it's worth the trouble and the heartache for something that you know deep down might not be right anyways. Do you care about that person enough to allow them to be happy the way that THEY want to be happy? Being with someone romantically when you're not sure if you feel that way about them or not can feel a bit like being trapped. It's why people break up...sometimes. If you want them and they want someone else then I've always just moved on the best I can. Besides-- you deserve someone who wants YOU. Not someone who thinks you're just another great guy and lets you take them to dinner.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, you plague me with curiosity as to who you are!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't talking about a relationship that started off romantically (dating, holding hands, etc.) and then turned platonic. More about one that started as a friendship and then one person grew to like the other.
Also, you make it sound like breaking up is something to be avoided. If avoiding break-ups was the primary goal, then you would never get in a relationship that you weren't already sure would work.
The post is more referring to being friends with someone and the process it takes to become involved with them as more than friends.
I do really like your line "You deserve someone who wants YOU. Not someone who thinks you're just another great guy." This is something I'm realizing more lately.
I guess It's just hard to move on when you've invested so much into something, and when you know things could be amazing if only they were given a chance. Oh well :)
The process it takes to becoming involved with someone as more than friends isn't much of a process. It either is there or it isn't. And until it's there then it isn't and there's not much you can do about it.
ReplyDeleteYou remind me of how I used to be the way you view relationships. Especially the way you see it with this one particular girl. At least I assume it's just one particular girl, otherwise I don't think you'd be using words like "invested" and "regret" the way you have been. That and I can just tell because I'm almost positive I know who this young lady is and I don't blame you at all for feeling that way. (I'm surprisingly intuitive-- that's how I know. Because I know you're wondering to yourself.)
I was in the same boat years ago and I wasted five years of my life chasing after the same girl because I convinced myself that there just might be a chance. There wasn't. I wish I'd seen it sooner. I just really wanted to see it happen because I could swear "things could be amazing if only they were given a chance". But when a girl tells you "you're a great guy" and there's a "but" involved, it's best to abandon ship until the ship decides to come back without the "but."
Good thoughts. I like the way you phrase the last sentence too. Very true.
ReplyDeleteI knew this before, but I've rediscovered: no matter how much I am interested in someone, I won't want to be with them unless they're just as excited to be with me. And until that happens, it's not worth trying "force" anything or "convince" anyone.
Oh well. Time to move on. For now.
See-- you know in your mind that you can't force anything; but that's a whole other world compared to how you feel and changing it. Baby steps to the elevator.
ReplyDeleteOh, and who is Andrew? ;)