This time it was calculated

So I just got offered a job as a software tester for NextPage in Bluffdale. It pays $11/hour and has very flexible hours.

I turned it down. But this time my decision was calculated.

I have had a bad habit in the past of missing opportunities. This time I actually thought about my schedule and realized that taking this job in the Fall would mean I couldn't do anything in the Ad Lab. I would basically leave class to go to work, work for 4-5 hours, then come back. And I would be doing that for 4-5 days a week. Once I got home I would do all my homework, and then basically wind down for the night. Sounds like a good plan, right?

Except the Ad Lab has proven to be a great way to break into the advertising world for past students. If my primary objective is to get experience, then doing advertising for real clients is going to be better than testing software for NextPage. And the Ad Lab gets crazy busy in the Fall. (I'm actually somewhat looking forward to having it take over my life.) I honestly don't think I'd be able to do all that.

I told the guy that I would love to work for them for July and the bit of August that I'm in Utah, but that I think my schedule wouldn't allow me to work for him. By saying that, I realized I was putting the Ad Lab as a higher priority than work, which I'm alright with.

Anyway, I almost feel like I'm trying to justify myself, probably because I am. I still feel a little sick from turning down a good job, but a little comforted that I think my plans are starting to fall into place.

Now I just need to get crackin' on some Ad Lab stuff so that turning down the job is worth it. Motivation?

We're not as dumb as we want people to believe we are

Every time I hear someone say something along the lines of "he/she is just so dense, they don't pick up on all the signals I've been sending," I think "what's probably happening is that he/she isn't interested in you and they chose the 'ignore the problem until it goes away' approach." Men are particularly good at doing this.

I think I do a pretty good job at picking up on signals. I often just don't want to act on it / am too indecisive to know whether or not I want to act on it or not.

I am self destructive

Why do I do some of the things I do? How come I wait for time-sensitive things until my opportunity has passed me by?

It's like when an opportunity comes to me, I subconsciously think "it'll be around for awhile, no need to rush into anything or hurry it up." Then, almost without fail, the chance goes away and I never see it again.

Just the other day I saw a job listing that I thought would be fun. It was only 10 hours/week and paid pretty well, but I didn't call until about 3 pm (when I saw the listing at 10 am). By that time they had already filled the position!

I talked to a lady in Provo that wanted some extra help with her yard work once a week for only 2 hours, paying $10/hour, and I even went and talked to her. Then I never called her back. What the heck is that?

It's not just work -- it's internship opportunities, it's projects I could be working on, it's my dating life, it's exercise, it's making good meals, it's getting up and doing something productive, and I'm sure I could keep listing other things that I wait too long for.

I've gotten much better than I have been in the past, but I'm still not where I need to be. I have done a good job writing things down and to-do listing, but it's not enough!

I won't do it anymore. No more. I'm done. From now on I'm capitalizing on every opportunity that comes my way (within reason).