So I think I'll try out this stream of consciousness thing. I guess I'll see if it goes anywhere. Basically I was thinking a lot on my way down to Cedar City about random things, and I think I'd like to see if maybe I can actually communicate something better by putting my thoughts straight onto paper without editing them.
I was thinking about how everyone seems to have a shell, and some people's shells are thin and others are thick. And then I realized I think people have a few layers of shells, and that it really takes some knowing to get deep into someone's real personality. That's one of the things I'm looking forward to when it comes time for marriage and stuff: getting inside every last layer of someone. I don't think I completely have that with anyone, and it's starting to get frustrating.
It's always "How was your day?" "It was fine, how was yours?" "Fine" at first, even when someone has had a terrible day. I think our outer shell should be destroyed altogether. We should be able to communicate our real thoughts (to an extent, of course; don't want to freak people out or cross any lines) even when we first meet someone. I'm always impressed when I meet someone who I can feel is really a genuine person, and it's one of my favorite qualities.
I wish I could break into new layers of the people I associate with and get to know them just way better than I already do. I wish I could ask questions without being worried about what other people will think of me for asking them. Why is it so taboo to ask something you know is on everyone's mind? Just because no one is talking about it? I want to go on walks with friends and get to know them better than I already do, and I want them to not think it's strange. I want to bring out those issues that everyone has but no one feels comfortable talking about. And I want to be the kind of person that my friends feel comfortable talking about those sort of things with, no matter how random, unusual, or taboo they may be. Therefore, I want to be a better listener.
It's hard not to delete stuff I've already written, I tell you what.
I want to completely shed my outer shell and not be so uptight about protecting myself from hurt. I guess I just want all worry about things that I shouldn't be worried about to go away altogether. School will work out fine. Girls will work out fine. My Christmas plans will all work out fine. Come what may, and LOVE IT.
I never go to bed when I'm so tired. Why do I do that? I could be falling asleep on the couch and then find something to do that keeps me awake. I think I crave interaction a little too much sometimes. And its funny how it's always in the evening. I could have a long day sitting around doing basically nothing, but I can't stand to do that in the evening/night! It's like there's too much to be done, and like I'm missing out on something important. Who knows who I might meet? Who knows what friendship I might make stronger? I won't until I go find out.
I wish people came to visit us more often. Do we put ourselves out there too much? Now I know how Virginia and Theresa feel, and I understand how it must be hard for them to come over all the time when we never go visit them. That's a new goal of mine: go visit Virginia and Theresa!
I have such a random sense of making other people comfortable. I feel like when it least matters I do everything I can to make someone else's life easier, even if it's as trivial as spending less time at a drinking fountain so others can drink sooner, or moving over when someone is trying to get by. Then, when it most matters (or perhaps is most obvious) I totally drop the ball and inconvenience someone else's life. I definitely need to work on that. I don't do it on purpose, I just don't think about it first. Sorry if I've done that to anyone reading this. Really.
Advertisements are successful when they can resonate with the audience, like when you touch something in the person that makes them believe you really understand them. It reminds me of when The Office had the opening with the office crew watching the DVD sign float around the screen waiting for it to bounce exactly in the corner. Its something that practically everyone has at least thought about, but not too many people talk about it. That brings me back to the whole people's shells thing. There are so many questions I'm sure I've had for my friends/family that I've never taken the time to get over my fear and just ask. My relationships would be so much more meaningful if I could just ask people the things that were on my mind without worrying what they'd think. Maybe that'll be my goal number 2.
I've gone on for long enough. And I'm starting to think too much before I type my thoughts down, so either I'm running out of things to say or I'm just getting too tired.
Lizzy, you're one of the funnest, most genuine people I know. I haven't made such a good friend in such a relatively short time in so many years. Thanks for being so awesome.
Ace, you're like a brother to me, and that's saying a lot since I don't have any real full siblings. And cause both our moms rock so hard, so its like we could be brothers from either one or BOTH!
And that about sums it up for everyone who reads this :-P
I'm thanking people honestly tomorrow.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Hollow Voice
I don't want anyone to think of this of this as a practice in self-pity; I only mean for it to be an interesting observation. It's nothing I'm really upset about at all.
I've noticed in the past few months that there's something about my voice (or maybe my personality) that doesn't get noticed very easily. I could be talking to someone in the room and for some reason they can't hear me.
I've also noticed that when I'm talking to someone (or telling a story), people lose focus really easily. Like they just start talking to someone else in the room or even start talking to me about something completely unrelated that they were thinking about while I was talking. I bet part of it is due to the fact that I'm not naturally very good at telling stories though.
Maybe I should practice speaking in a lower voice, since mine is naturally pretty high-pitched. It'd be interesting to do some kind of personal study testing people's attention levels with my regular voice, then again with my voice lowered by a few steps. Of course I've thought of about a thousand "interesting studies" I've wanted to do, and ended up doing none of them. I should start writing them down and using them as ideas of things to do when I'm bored! Then again, that is another one of my ideas that I think would be good, and then never put into practice.
An idea I can put into practice: I think soon I'll write a blog post that is in stream-of-consciousness form. It might take a few practice runs before I can actually write something in stream-of-consciousness, but I guess I'll see...
Until then, I'm going to go make myself unconscious. G'night!
I've noticed in the past few months that there's something about my voice (or maybe my personality) that doesn't get noticed very easily. I could be talking to someone in the room and for some reason they can't hear me.
I've also noticed that when I'm talking to someone (or telling a story), people lose focus really easily. Like they just start talking to someone else in the room or even start talking to me about something completely unrelated that they were thinking about while I was talking. I bet part of it is due to the fact that I'm not naturally very good at telling stories though.
Maybe I should practice speaking in a lower voice, since mine is naturally pretty high-pitched. It'd be interesting to do some kind of personal study testing people's attention levels with my regular voice, then again with my voice lowered by a few steps. Of course I've thought of about a thousand "interesting studies" I've wanted to do, and ended up doing none of them. I should start writing them down and using them as ideas of things to do when I'm bored! Then again, that is another one of my ideas that I think would be good, and then never put into practice.
An idea I can put into practice: I think soon I'll write a blog post that is in stream-of-consciousness form. It might take a few practice runs before I can actually write something in stream-of-consciousness, but I guess I'll see...
Until then, I'm going to go make myself unconscious. G'night!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Flaws in the gay rights movement
I'm really not a politically inclined person, so I'm not sure where this is coming from. Actually, it's coming from my roommate who has been watching all the outrage coming from the passing of Prop 8.
I love the ability to protest. Even if it's against the church. I love that our Bill of Rights allows us freedom of speech. I don't dislike the people who protest the passing of prop 8 outside of LDS churches, just as I don't dislike people who protest the church. I do, however, see oh-so-many problems with the arguments they present.
I'm a bigot? I think the gay rights movement is interesting, in that it persecutes me for my beliefs. In all the ruckus over respecting one's beliefs (in allowing gay marriage), mine are being ridiculed! I'm not sure how that makes sense, but oh well.
A loving God? Let's not confuse a loving God with an apathetic God. Referring to God's opinion on the matter, I heard a protestor say "I don't think a loving God would care." That seems to me like saying a that a loving parent wouldn't be concerned over their child's decision to be gay. In fact, that's a weak comparison tailored to those who don't consider homosexuality a sin. To me, its more like saying a loving parent wouldn't care if their child was blindly crossing an eight-lane highway.
A condition or a choice? I don't get how the argument for homosexuality is allowed to change depending on convenience. I taught someone on my mission who was gay, and in a conversation we had with him (it was civil; there was no arguing, just serious discussing) he brought up the fact that people should respect the choice he has made. Later, in a discussion about whether homosexuality is even scientifically founded, (why would an organism ignore the instinct to reproduce it has had for millennea?) he mentioned that it was something he was born with and couldn't help. I don't get it. Arguments that change based on convenience are not on solid ground.
An inalienable right? When did marriage become an inalienable right? I thought marriage was a religious institution specifically designed to be the unification of a man and a woman. To me, saying marriage is an inalienable right is like saying that performing ordinances in the temple is an inalienable right. No! They should only be done under the right conditions. How come we feel like we need to change God's ways to fit our society? To me, saying marriage is an inalienable right (rather than a God-given right) actually diminishes its importance. In my eyes, at least.
Also, I just found out that straight people legally can't enter into a domestic partnership. Shouldn't I be upset about this "inalienable right" being taken from me?
The Mormons did it? Why is it that when a member of the LDS church does something, their religious affiliation is so public? How come you never hear "So-and-so, a member of the local Catholic church, opened the new store on Center street" or "local Lutheran man commits such-and-such a crime."
It's always the Mormons fault. Amidst of a group of over 7 million people who voted Yes on 8, single out the Mormons because their church doesn't believe in gay marriage. What Christian churches DO believe in gay marriage? I think Sodom and Gomorrah has been completely forgotten.
The Courage Campaign (anti-prop 8) has a video showing two members of the campaign trying to get a petition of 17,000 names to "the Prophet-President Monson." (They are filming in California, so I'm not sure how they planned on getting the petition to him. They were just being dramatic.) Just an interesting fact.
A majority vote? This kinda goes with the last one. You can question the constitutionality of passing Proposition 8, but you can't question the fact that a majority of the voters in California don't want to legalize gay marriage. I'm not sure what appealing to the courts will do, but I guess you never know.
Another double standard. It's alright for a gay person to not believe in God, but its not alright for a God-fearing (loving? I always thought it was funny those two meant about the same thing) person to not believe in gay people. A loving God DOES care about the life-altering decisions His children make, and when they go in a path that directly opposes the path he has laid out in the Plan of Salvation he is saddened. He is NOT any less loving because of it, and he is most certainly not apathetic.
It's alright for gay people to express their beliefs, but not alright for church-goers to express their beliefs. Suddenly it becomes a separation-of-church-and-state issue.
It's alright for gays to raise money against Prop 8, but not okay for anyone else to raise money for Prop 8.
It's alright to be gay, but not alright to be against it. Then you're homophobic.
There's too many to list in totality, I'm sure. I guess blogs really do work in forming my thoughts as of late into something coherent. Maybe then when I forget stuff (which takes me no more than 8 hours to completely reset my memory; that's how poor my short-term memory is!) I can look back and see again just why I resent being called a bigot for my beliefs. If my beliefs included physically harming others (like the KKK or the Nazis) I would understand being called a bigot. Fortunately they don't.
I love the ability to protest. Even if it's against the church. I love that our Bill of Rights allows us freedom of speech. I don't dislike the people who protest the passing of prop 8 outside of LDS churches, just as I don't dislike people who protest the church. I do, however, see oh-so-many problems with the arguments they present.
I'm a bigot? I think the gay rights movement is interesting, in that it persecutes me for my beliefs. In all the ruckus over respecting one's beliefs (in allowing gay marriage), mine are being ridiculed! I'm not sure how that makes sense, but oh well.
A loving God? Let's not confuse a loving God with an apathetic God. Referring to God's opinion on the matter, I heard a protestor say "I don't think a loving God would care." That seems to me like saying a that a loving parent wouldn't be concerned over their child's decision to be gay. In fact, that's a weak comparison tailored to those who don't consider homosexuality a sin. To me, its more like saying a loving parent wouldn't care if their child was blindly crossing an eight-lane highway.
A condition or a choice? I don't get how the argument for homosexuality is allowed to change depending on convenience. I taught someone on my mission who was gay, and in a conversation we had with him (it was civil; there was no arguing, just serious discussing) he brought up the fact that people should respect the choice he has made. Later, in a discussion about whether homosexuality is even scientifically founded, (why would an organism ignore the instinct to reproduce it has had for millennea?) he mentioned that it was something he was born with and couldn't help. I don't get it. Arguments that change based on convenience are not on solid ground.
An inalienable right? When did marriage become an inalienable right? I thought marriage was a religious institution specifically designed to be the unification of a man and a woman. To me, saying marriage is an inalienable right is like saying that performing ordinances in the temple is an inalienable right. No! They should only be done under the right conditions. How come we feel like we need to change God's ways to fit our society? To me, saying marriage is an inalienable right (rather than a God-given right) actually diminishes its importance. In my eyes, at least.
Also, I just found out that straight people legally can't enter into a domestic partnership. Shouldn't I be upset about this "inalienable right" being taken from me?
The Mormons did it? Why is it that when a member of the LDS church does something, their religious affiliation is so public? How come you never hear "So-and-so, a member of the local Catholic church, opened the new store on Center street" or "local Lutheran man commits such-and-such a crime."
It's always the Mormons fault. Amidst of a group of over 7 million people who voted Yes on 8, single out the Mormons because their church doesn't believe in gay marriage. What Christian churches DO believe in gay marriage? I think Sodom and Gomorrah has been completely forgotten.
The Courage Campaign (anti-prop 8) has a video showing two members of the campaign trying to get a petition of 17,000 names to "the Prophet-President Monson." (They are filming in California, so I'm not sure how they planned on getting the petition to him. They were just being dramatic.) Just an interesting fact.
A majority vote? This kinda goes with the last one. You can question the constitutionality of passing Proposition 8, but you can't question the fact that a majority of the voters in California don't want to legalize gay marriage. I'm not sure what appealing to the courts will do, but I guess you never know.
Another double standard. It's alright for a gay person to not believe in God, but its not alright for a God-fearing (loving? I always thought it was funny those two meant about the same thing) person to not believe in gay people. A loving God DOES care about the life-altering decisions His children make, and when they go in a path that directly opposes the path he has laid out in the Plan of Salvation he is saddened. He is NOT any less loving because of it, and he is most certainly not apathetic.
It's alright for gay people to express their beliefs, but not alright for church-goers to express their beliefs. Suddenly it becomes a separation-of-church-and-state issue.
It's alright for gays to raise money against Prop 8, but not okay for anyone else to raise money for Prop 8.
It's alright to be gay, but not alright to be against it. Then you're homophobic.
There's too many to list in totality, I'm sure. I guess blogs really do work in forming my thoughts as of late into something coherent. Maybe then when I forget stuff (which takes me no more than 8 hours to completely reset my memory; that's how poor my short-term memory is!) I can look back and see again just why I resent being called a bigot for my beliefs. If my beliefs included physically harming others (like the KKK or the Nazis) I would understand being called a bigot. Fortunately they don't.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Double Standard-22
Oh my.
I love how people create their own ideas of "normal" and then virally expect others to obey them. And by "love" I mean "thinks it's funny how." As if this expectation weren't ridiculous enough, people then go about making exceptions to every rule and expect everyone to obey.
Political. The concept of double standards has been brewing in my head for quite some time, but today it was spurred by the elections. The most recent anti-Obama video I watched must have pushed my double standard-o-meter to overflowing levels, forcing me to sop up the remainder with this new blog acting as my electronic Bounty paper towels.
In politics, I adhere to the "moderation in all things" philosophy. I'll admit to being a fence sitter. I can see the benefit to both right and left thinking, and honestly I believe the country will survive either way. I do NOT appreciate fanaticism that ridicules someone who thinks differently. All democrats are uneducated liberal kooks who don't know reality? Obviously you've never met my mother. Bashing President Bush's policies? By all means, you do a better job! The fact is we've made the President's job an impossible job to accomplish by abdicating all personal responsibility to the government anyway.
That was my digression. I was thinking specifically about the double standard between Clinton and McCain. How come Clinton is ostracized for extra-marital affairs whereas John McCain's affair is shoved under the carpet? I don't think they should be overlooked- I think both are acts unbecoming of someone I want to govern my homeland. I guess I just feel like I need to level playing fields sometimes, especially when all I get from people around here is anti-Obama stuff. I don't really trust Obama or McCain. I'm just sayin'.
Less Political. There are so many double standards between guys and girls! Guys can't call a girl hot. That's chauvinistic. Somehow, at the same time, girls can't put emphasis on a guys looks, but girls have to do everything they can to look as attractive as possible.
A strange thought: girls can wear guys clothes, guys can't wear girls clothes. Again, I don't want to. I'm just sayin'.
There's so many more. I just can't stay focused. I'm going to an elections party or two.
I love how people create their own ideas of "normal" and then virally expect others to obey them. And by "love" I mean "thinks it's funny how." As if this expectation weren't ridiculous enough, people then go about making exceptions to every rule and expect everyone to obey.
Political. The concept of double standards has been brewing in my head for quite some time, but today it was spurred by the elections. The most recent anti-Obama video I watched must have pushed my double standard-o-meter to overflowing levels, forcing me to sop up the remainder with this new blog acting as my electronic Bounty paper towels.
In politics, I adhere to the "moderation in all things" philosophy. I'll admit to being a fence sitter. I can see the benefit to both right and left thinking, and honestly I believe the country will survive either way. I do NOT appreciate fanaticism that ridicules someone who thinks differently. All democrats are uneducated liberal kooks who don't know reality? Obviously you've never met my mother. Bashing President Bush's policies? By all means, you do a better job! The fact is we've made the President's job an impossible job to accomplish by abdicating all personal responsibility to the government anyway.
That was my digression. I was thinking specifically about the double standard between Clinton and McCain. How come Clinton is ostracized for extra-marital affairs whereas John McCain's affair is shoved under the carpet? I don't think they should be overlooked- I think both are acts unbecoming of someone I want to govern my homeland. I guess I just feel like I need to level playing fields sometimes, especially when all I get from people around here is anti-Obama stuff. I don't really trust Obama or McCain. I'm just sayin'.
Less Political. There are so many double standards between guys and girls! Guys can't call a girl hot. That's chauvinistic. Somehow, at the same time, girls can't put emphasis on a guys looks, but girls have to do everything they can to look as attractive as possible.
A strange thought: girls can wear guys clothes, guys can't wear girls clothes. Again, I don't want to. I'm just sayin'.
There's so many more. I just can't stay focused. I'm going to an elections party or two.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
The Pilot
I wonder what the fascination with personal blogs is. Maybe it's just a way for people to vent their feelings to a random, possibly non-existent public. Maybe it's the way people like me who are too lazy to keep a written journal updated well. (My last entry is from October 2007. Yeah...) Whatever the reason, blogging is so huge now, people are actually making a living off of it.
Oh well. Sometimes I wish I were more creative.
Oh well. Sometimes I wish I were more creative.
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