I just figured this out about myself... again: I like the chase a lot, but I don't care too much for the catch.
Similar to my roommate's recent post, I think having what I want isn't what makes me happy, it's the thrill of wanting something I don't have. Not necessarily something I can't have, but just something I don't have. And maybe it's not just me. Perhaps this is the same reason why material things can't really bring you happiness.
In dating, it seems like as soon as I develop a crush on someone, I don't want to lose that wonderful/slightly ill feeling I get whenever I see them, talk to them, think of them, etc. I think subconsciously I want that feeling to stick around, so I take no action. I don't ask them out, I just hang out. I don't take risks, but I play it safe. I guess maybe I worry that if they're not interested, I'll have to replace that wonderful feeling I associate with them with a feeling of rejection.
But that gets me nowhere! I've already posted a few times about not passing up opportunities, but I have such a hard time actually taking advantage of them! (Granted, I have been doing better recently.)
So here it is: I want to hear your suggestions on how I need to go about changing my nature of passing up good dating opportunities when they're presented. Any rants/raves/ideas you have are welcome.
I have one thing to say...you are such a guy!! This post is clear evidence that guys are in it for the chase and the prize and not the outcome. Truth be told Bob...when you find that right girl, the chase will become non existent and all you will want is the catch.
ReplyDeleteI won't deny it, although I also would like to point out that while we guys definitely do have our issues, girls have a whole other different set of issues that we understand just as little as you understand ours. I think if there really does have to be a game, it makes it a little more interesting :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts Bekah!
I also think that girls want what they can't have. All the time. At least, that's what I have observed.
ReplyDeleteOf course, there are exceptions. Which is why people get married. Unfortunately, even then people sometimes want what they can't have, which can lead to divorce...
I think you're just immature. We all grow at different speeds.
ReplyDeleteIt also sounds like you don't like being vulnerable. Is that true in other areas of your life?
Dating doesn't have to mean marriage and babies. I'd say stop worrying about what will happen after the fact and have some fun. The right one will be worth keeping.
Some ideas to toss around.
I think another thing to consider is that the if you do catch that girl (or guy) you're after, you're giving up a lot. While you may think it's your goal to find someone with whom to start a long-term relationship, it's really hard to find someone for whom you would actually give up being single and the comfort of having a more open future, and of not having to make yourself vulnerable...but it's okay if it takes a while. Like Bekah said, when you find the right girl, all you'll want is the catch. She'll be worth chasing, of course, but it'll also be worth it to stay with her.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone, I really enjoy your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteTo improving your memory - I read that multi-tasking is the worst thing for your memory so try and cut down on how much of that you do.
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