Part of my problem in a graph.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Rooney
I have to preface this by saying that the lyrics will make me sound like I'm bitter about stuff, but I'm not. Well, to a very small degree, but whatever. I'm not mad :) It's more that it's hard when you finally get a chance to step back and take a look at the big picture of a relationship and realize that things could have been so good had it not been for certain circumstances outside of my control.
It also hard when you see the person you care for going in a direction that, at least in my opinion, is less fulfilling than it would otherwise be. But maybe I'm just being biased. I guess I just think I'm a pretty great catch :P
Rooney - When Did Your Heart Go Missing?
Love don't come so easily
This doesn't have to end in tragedy
I have you and you have me
We're one in a million
Why can't you see?
I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing, yeah?
I meant every word I said
I never was lying when we talked in bed
I'm retracing every step in my head
What did I miss back then?
I was so, so misled
I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I don't understand
How could you forget what we had,
It's so wrong
I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Pandora
Today I hate you, Jason Mraz Pandora station. How do you choose all the music that fills me with doubt, fear, and nostalgia? It's quite a talent you have.
Quit it!
-BZ
Quit it!
-BZ
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
My problem
The biggest problem with not having been in a relationship for so long is that when one starts to come up, I enact a self-fulfilling prophecy by worrying that I'm going to mess things up.
Why can't I be less of a girl and stop over analyzing everything? (No offense to any girls reading this.)
Nope, instead I read into every little thing and play it up to be something much bigger than it probably is.
To anyone else who has this problem: what are your coping techniques? Advice?
Why can't I be less of a girl and stop over analyzing everything? (No offense to any girls reading this.)
Nope, instead I read into every little thing and play it up to be something much bigger than it probably is.
To anyone else who has this problem: what are your coping techniques? Advice?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tithing
Money's been tight the past few weeks, not gonna lie. Here's my reinvigorated testimony of tithing:
Tried to pay it about a month ago, but forgot that the check I used was for an account I closed. Bounced, returned.
Then Christmas break happened, and there really wasn't anyone around to take my check anyway.
Time comes to pay it, and by this time it's a fairly substantial amount to pay all at once. Whatever, I'll pay it anyway and trust things will work out. (They always do, after all)
The same day I turn it in, my roommate comes to me with the reimbursement forms for about $110 worth of stuff I'm going to get reimbursed for that I totally forgot about.
I also called and got a $25 fee removed for making a credit card payment a couple hours late. Just cause Amex rocks, they also removed the interest charge.
Today I remember that I not only made a few sales on half.com, but made a new sale of a book that I've had sitting there online for over a year. Another $85 in the bank.
Checked my credit card rewards, and they're already back up to $25. Thanks for the free money, Chase!
Things always work out in the end you guys. That's all I can say.
Tried to pay it about a month ago, but forgot that the check I used was for an account I closed. Bounced, returned.
Then Christmas break happened, and there really wasn't anyone around to take my check anyway.
Time comes to pay it, and by this time it's a fairly substantial amount to pay all at once. Whatever, I'll pay it anyway and trust things will work out. (They always do, after all)
The same day I turn it in, my roommate comes to me with the reimbursement forms for about $110 worth of stuff I'm going to get reimbursed for that I totally forgot about.
I also called and got a $25 fee removed for making a credit card payment a couple hours late. Just cause Amex rocks, they also removed the interest charge.
Today I remember that I not only made a few sales on half.com, but made a new sale of a book that I've had sitting there online for over a year. Another $85 in the bank.
Checked my credit card rewards, and they're already back up to $25. Thanks for the free money, Chase!
Things always work out in the end you guys. That's all I can say.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thanksgiving message from a thankless place
I know probably very few of you reading this will understand the circumstances this comes from, but it is a good message nonetheless. I'm just copying and pasting part of an email from someone close who has been dealt a rotten hand and is dealing with it in the most amazing and inspiring way I can think of:
"I've thought a lot about The Atonement and Repentance in comparison to the Criminal Justice System. It seems to me that justice is far less important than punishment in the CJS. There is talk about rehabilitation, but punishment seems to be the core of the system. I see as much hypocrisy, unfairness, even dishonesty, taught and practiced here as much as in the free world. It feels like we are subject to a frustrated, hate-based culture; overseen by people who hate the inmates, endure their jobs begrudgingly and don't really like each other. There are exceptions, of course, but I know of few. (Some like their jobs too much.) It is a sad environment. Hope is a challenge if one is not properly armed. But as they say...it's prison! :-)
It is also interesting to note the dedication the public seems to have in seeking revenge and punishment for crimes, and how much money they are willing to waste on it. It makes sense to a certain degree, because we has humans are so deficient in our capacity to heal. So, when something bad happens, and since we can't make it better, we look for someone to punish...whether they are responsible or not in some cases. You've heard the saying, "Someone has to go to jail." It's actually a rule.
The Gospel plan is much different. The Savior has the ability to heal, truly heal, not only the sinner, but those who suffer because of the sinner. Having that power allows Him to offer a great gift; forgiveness on condition of repentance. Forgiveness is available in place of punishment because healing is possible. Rather than labeling the sinner forever, He says He will remember the sin no more. Wow! Imagine if that could be put to use in the CJS?
His forgiveness of the sinner is acceptable to the victims, since He heals them, too. For example, suppose Bernie Madoff (the guy that cheated his investors out of 17 billion dollars and is currently serving something like 150 years in prison) truly repented of what he did, sincerely and in acceptable form to the Savior...and was forgiven? How would the victims feel about that? Now suppose that as part of Bernie's healing process, each investor was not only given ten times what he or she lost, but was healed from all anxiety or any other effect Bernie's actions had on them? (Bernie's son was not involved, but the anger was so great against him, he committed suicide.) Would forgiveness be acceptable to the victims, then?
I am grateful to live in this dispensation where we will be privileged to receive the Savior and live at a time where not only justice will be perfect, but mercy, repentance, forgiveness and healing, as well. It is a great honor and a responsibility. Until then, we do all the good we can and learn to live after the manner of happiness in spite of the world around us. We must succeed under conditions as they are. We can and we will. It's our job. It's why we were born at this time.
I am truly grateful for a clear conscience. I am glad I know I don't belong here. I am grateful for friends and family that know that, too. I am grateful for the peace, and even contentment, the Spirit can give in the midst of adversity. I am also grateful for the sure knowledge that our Heavenly Father lives; that we are his literal children; that He is the literal father of our spirits. He loves us and he wants us to return home with honor. He has given us all we need to get there, too; even to allowing His Only Begotten Son to be sacrificed so we would not have to suffer because of our failures, if we chose. I am really glad that this life, this world, is only a test, and that it is designed for us to ace if we will accept the Holy Ghost as our tutor and Christ as our Savior. I am thankful for the "do overs" He offers and the healing he alone can provide."
I'm grateful that I've been given some of the most amazing opportunities ever. Ever. If I think of my hand compared to the millions or even billions in the world who struggle with survival, all reason to complain is squashed. If you're reading this, you should be dedicating yourself to thanking God more often than you complain. He gives us so much.
How lucky we are!
"I've thought a lot about The Atonement and Repentance in comparison to the Criminal Justice System. It seems to me that justice is far less important than punishment in the CJS. There is talk about rehabilitation, but punishment seems to be the core of the system. I see as much hypocrisy, unfairness, even dishonesty, taught and practiced here as much as in the free world. It feels like we are subject to a frustrated, hate-based culture; overseen by people who hate the inmates, endure their jobs begrudgingly and don't really like each other. There are exceptions, of course, but I know of few. (Some like their jobs too much.) It is a sad environment. Hope is a challenge if one is not properly armed. But as they say...it's prison! :-)
It is also interesting to note the dedication the public seems to have in seeking revenge and punishment for crimes, and how much money they are willing to waste on it. It makes sense to a certain degree, because we has humans are so deficient in our capacity to heal. So, when something bad happens, and since we can't make it better, we look for someone to punish...whether they are responsible or not in some cases. You've heard the saying, "Someone has to go to jail." It's actually a rule.
The Gospel plan is much different. The Savior has the ability to heal, truly heal, not only the sinner, but those who suffer because of the sinner. Having that power allows Him to offer a great gift; forgiveness on condition of repentance. Forgiveness is available in place of punishment because healing is possible. Rather than labeling the sinner forever, He says He will remember the sin no more. Wow! Imagine if that could be put to use in the CJS?
His forgiveness of the sinner is acceptable to the victims, since He heals them, too. For example, suppose Bernie Madoff (the guy that cheated his investors out of 17 billion dollars and is currently serving something like 150 years in prison) truly repented of what he did, sincerely and in acceptable form to the Savior...and was forgiven? How would the victims feel about that? Now suppose that as part of Bernie's healing process, each investor was not only given ten times what he or she lost, but was healed from all anxiety or any other effect Bernie's actions had on them? (Bernie's son was not involved, but the anger was so great against him, he committed suicide.) Would forgiveness be acceptable to the victims, then?
I am grateful to live in this dispensation where we will be privileged to receive the Savior and live at a time where not only justice will be perfect, but mercy, repentance, forgiveness and healing, as well. It is a great honor and a responsibility. Until then, we do all the good we can and learn to live after the manner of happiness in spite of the world around us. We must succeed under conditions as they are. We can and we will. It's our job. It's why we were born at this time.
I am truly grateful for a clear conscience. I am glad I know I don't belong here. I am grateful for friends and family that know that, too. I am grateful for the peace, and even contentment, the Spirit can give in the midst of adversity. I am also grateful for the sure knowledge that our Heavenly Father lives; that we are his literal children; that He is the literal father of our spirits. He loves us and he wants us to return home with honor. He has given us all we need to get there, too; even to allowing His Only Begotten Son to be sacrificed so we would not have to suffer because of our failures, if we chose. I am really glad that this life, this world, is only a test, and that it is designed for us to ace if we will accept the Holy Ghost as our tutor and Christ as our Savior. I am thankful for the "do overs" He offers and the healing he alone can provide."
I'm grateful that I've been given some of the most amazing opportunities ever. Ever. If I think of my hand compared to the millions or even billions in the world who struggle with survival, all reason to complain is squashed. If you're reading this, you should be dedicating yourself to thanking God more often than you complain. He gives us so much.
How lucky we are!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Debating
Don't forget that just because you may be a better debater than someone doesn't mean you're right or that you have the only answer. If the person you're debating with didn't make the arguments they could have to defend their stance, it still means that those arguments exist and could have been made. They could have just as easily put you on the defensive.
That's what bugs me about politics. People way in to politics always think they're the right ones and that the other guys have it all wrong. They may be great at debating, but if one candidate is way better at debating that the other, it probably means the strengths of the weaker candidates' position are not getting fairly represented for people to see the whole story.
If anything, debates serve to show the overall intelligence of the people debating, and you would obviously want to choose the more intelligent candidate. I just think it's sad when people watch debates and don't keep an open mind, but rather look for "their candidate" to roast the other guy with rhetoric.
That's what bugs me about politics. People way in to politics always think they're the right ones and that the other guys have it all wrong. They may be great at debating, but if one candidate is way better at debating that the other, it probably means the strengths of the weaker candidates' position are not getting fairly represented for people to see the whole story.
If anything, debates serve to show the overall intelligence of the people debating, and you would obviously want to choose the more intelligent candidate. I just think it's sad when people watch debates and don't keep an open mind, but rather look for "their candidate" to roast the other guy with rhetoric.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
My hair color philosophy
A hot blonde girl turns heads.
Frequency: fairly common
A hot brunette stops you in your tracks.
Frequency: uncommon
Frequency: fairly common
A hot brunette stops you in your tracks.
Frequency: uncommon
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Sound of Settling
Our youth is fleeting,
Old age is just around the bend.
And I can't wait to go gray.
And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.
Old age is just around the bend.
And I can't wait to go gray.
And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.
Monday, October 17, 2011
New York City in 3 days
I need to write down a list of the things we did while in New York this weekend before I forget them all. In fact my memory is so poor I'm sure I'm already missing things, but whatever.
In 3 days in NYC, we did/went to/ate at the following:
In 3 days. I know there are a couple other things I'm forgetting too.
In 3 days in NYC, we did/went to/ate at the following:
- Times Square
- Washington Square Park
- Canal Street
- Bought/did some shady shopping while there
- Wall Street
- Occupy Wall Street protests
- 9/11 Memorial
- Bought ties at Century 21 (3 sweet ties for $38 total)
- Shake Shack ($17 fast food meal anyone?) and Flatiron building
- Columbia University (OM Gorgeous campus...)
- Cathedral Church by Columbia
- Metropolitan Museum of Art
- Central Park - row boating on the lake was amazing!
- United Nations - sat in the Security Council's chairs and stood at the General Assembly's pulpit. (Pulpit? Is that only a church term?)
- Halal food street vendor
- LOVE Statue
- Grand Central Station
- Artichoke Basille's Pizza
- Observation deck of the Empire State Building
- Walk the Brooklyn Bridge
- Grimaldi's Pizza
- Staten Island Ferry - nighttime view of the Statue of Liberty and downtown New York City
And I think I spent less than $300 for the whole trip. Booya!
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