This isn't one of those times that I've been wanting to blog about something for a long time. I'm literally in bed putting off going to sleep and thought "hmm I haven't blogged in a while... surewhynot"
I was reading an article about how women can see the signs of emotional abuse in a relationship. Having grown up with a feminist single mother, I've pretty much been naturally instilled with a strong respect for women. Maybe that's why most of my best friends are women? Iunno.
I'm in the middle of a 9-week coding course right now and one of the ladies in the course, a 39-year-old twice divorced single mother of like 12 foster kids (maybe some of them are hers? I think?) actually asked "so, how come you're 29 and not married?" (I thought questions like were only ever in those crummy Mormon movies like "The Singles Ward" and such, but I guess it happens for real. She's not even active LDS though, so maybe it's not just a Mormon thing.
"Are you afraid, is that it?" she asked, but not in a demeaning way. She genuinely wanted to know.
I thought over a number of my past relationships (or almost relationships) and realized (more like remembered) that 3 of the last 4 girls I've dated or was really interested in dating were the ones who ended it. I was genuinely ready to move forward, one of which I was seriously thinking about engagement.
So, I know I have my own stuff to work out like anyone does, but a fear of commitment definitely isn't one of them. The girls I choose seem to be the ones with the fear of commitment.
She felt a little bad for asking, not realizing that it's been a pretty sore subject for me. What I want to ask myself (but feel bad for doing so) is "why do I seem to be attracted to women with such emotional scarring? Or, better put, do I do something to make women freak out about committing, do I just choose women who have had traumatic experiences (at least two of those 4 is a strong yes, they have), or is it just me?"
So maybe it's just me? But, being a very introspective and self-aware person, I'm pretty convinced that's it. I compromise. I treat women like gold. I go out of my way to understand. I communicate, I adjust when something bothers her, but I stand my ground when I feel I need to. I give gifts, I serve, I do everything I would want someone to do for me.
Anyway, this isn't something I've figured out. This is just more of a stream of consciousness post anyway, so I'm just putting it out there. Maybe I need to do some more thinking about my dating life. Why am I so picky? Is it really pickiness? Maybe I'm looking for qualities that aren't important? I like to think I'm beyond that, at least.
When you've dated someone who was extraordinary from the get-go, it's tough to go back. I feel like I'm ruined from dating now, because my last girlfriend was so easy to date it's silly. So now it feels like I shouldn't have to work/force feelings to be interested in someone, because I've seen what dating can be like. It can be exciting from the beginning. It can be mutual. It can be sans dating games. You can both be beyond pretending to be the less interested one, delaying texts because you worry what the other person thinks, not calling because it's too soon they'll think I'm desperate. She broke up with a guy simply because she couldn't wait to work on a work project with me and we had just met days before. That felt good.
I'm not hung up on it. I know now she wasn't ready, and you can't force something when one party isn't ready. I'm totally fine now, except that dating sucks again and I get excited about someone only to go on a date and realize they're more boring than I thought, or they're less talkative than I thought, or...
I think it's time for more sincere prayer, because I'm not afraid to commit. I need someone who isn't either.
Know anyone?
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Saturday, December 7, 2013
One year later
Wow, I pretty much completely forgot about this blog. Since I'm sure no one reads it anymore, it'll probably just be a place to mind vomit. I hate that term, btw, but it's the most accurate thing I can think of.
Geez, where to begin? Since November last year, I:
Geez, where to begin? Since November last year, I:
- Applied for and interviewed at a bunch of jobs.
- Didn't get those jobs because of a lack of experience, even though every interviewer praised my choice to spend a year after school learning things I didn't have time to learn in school.
- Dated a girl for just over a month before I realized I wasn't that into it. It was my first time really just letting myself try something out I wasn't 100% sure I wanted. It was worth it, although I did feel I spent too long to figure it out. Learned something for next time.
- Started a business. I figured if I didn't have the experience I needed and no one would give it to me, I'd make my own. Kinda fell in my lap, but I ran with it for 7 months. It grew like crazy for a bootstrapped business, and it's still heading upward, although my stepdad is doing almost everything with it now.
- Dated another girl. Fell in love. Then got my heart really, truly broken for the first time ever. I believe it now when I read quotes that say you never really get over being in love with someone, you just learn to move on. I'm still trying to do the latter, and not succeeding very well yet. Learned that letting fear linger in a relationship is the quickest way to end it, no matter how thriving it is/was. Learned a LOT about relying on the Lord continually, and a LOT about how difficult it is to say "thy will be done." Most of my prayers are still "thy will be done, but if it's all the same to you, please find a way for this to still work out!" I'm still not sure how to move on, but the pain is more dull and less sharp now, so at least I can manage it a little better.
- Got a new full-time job. Looks like my plan to make my own experience paid off, since I interviewed for 2 jobs and was offered both of them. I'm working in a digital marketing company in Lehi, UT. My title is technically Enterprise Digital Marketer, but really I'm a Jr. Account Manager with a lot of room for growth. The company is exploding with new business and they're pretty aggressive with their pay raises. Feels so good to find some stability when life has shaken everything else up so violently.
That's pretty much everything in a nut shell. It's been one of the strangest, most unpredictable years ever. Haven't had this many highs and lows since my mission.
I'm looking for a new place to live, but I don't know if I could handle living alone right now. That may be one too many changes for me in a short period of time. I think I could handle moving somewhere with a roommate or two (or three) as long as it was still in my ward boundaries. Any more than that, I think I might panic. Probably in 3 or 4 months I could handle moving to a new ward? Not really sure, but I've learned to just take things one day at a time.
Anyway, that's about it! I don't think there's anyone to read this anyway, but it's always good to have a little recap in life.
Peace!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Why I lean ever-so-slightly to the left
I'm not an extraordinarily opinionated person. In fact, I pride myself quite a bit on being able to see issues from different viewpoints, and understand the benefits of different courses of action. However, through the course of this 2012 election, I've come to realize that although I will probably forever be an independent, I lean just slightly to the democratic side of the issues. And here's my reasoning, accept or reject it as you may:
The separation of church and state and the freedom of religion is sort of the basis of it all. This, to me, is sort of the social version of the Christian idea of free agency - the ability/right to make decisions on our own and to suffer the consequences. The beliefs of others, for the most part, I feel shouldn't be imposed upon me, and mine shouldn't be imposed upon others. This holds up as long as their beliefs don't put me in any kind of immediate danger (or "clear and present danger," to borrow lingo from a supreme court case about the limitations of freedom of speech). To use the traditional example, falsely yelling "fire!" in a crowded theater causing a panic is an example of the limitation of the freedom of speech because it puts people in a clear and present danger of being trampled.
So many of my (still-forming) beliefs on the social issues (doesn't apply so much to the economic ones) are based on this idea: just because I believe something doesn't mean we should pass legislation that imposes that beliefs universally. Take abortion for example. I'm not a supporter of abortion. I not only think it has some pretty heavy spiritual ramifications, but I've spoken with a few women who have had one (not a great sample, I know) and it has some pretty heavy permanent emotional ramifications as well. But I can't use that as an excuse to forbid someone from making their own decision, especially since the story gets all hairy when it comes to rape and incest. (It's not okay to kill babies except when in instances of rape or incest? If your main objection to abortion is that it is killing babies, why would it ever be okay to kill babies?) And as a side note, why is it opposers of abortion are also so heavily in favor of the death penalty?
It's the same idea behind the freedom of speech. I'm not a person who enjoys that there are picketers outside of temple square every six months to make a mockery of what I believe to be the truth. But they have every right to be there. The fact that they are there simply reminds me that we are so free in this country that we don't have to worry about getting in trouble for expressing our beliefs. Sort of the "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it" thing.
So, for example, I hate pornography. I think it does so much damage to this world, to families, the individuals, to relationships, and to spirit. But I don't think it should be outlawed. It is protected under the same freedom of speech that guarantees we never have to worry about being publicly executed for expressing our opinions. And no one is being forced to look at it, to boot. (This is not a political example, since I don't think anyone is hoping to ban pornography.)
Economically, I know that through this election the candidates (especially Mitt Romney) have been addressing the "entitlement nation," those who have come to rely on the government for their sustainability and are not making the jump to self-sustainability despite being fully capable of doing so. To get rid of entitlement programs, in my mind, is to throw the baby out with the bath water. Universal health care adds coverage to SO many new people who previously could either not afford it or not receive the benefits of health insurance coverage due to previously existing conditions, that it more than negates the bad that may come from it.
Anyway, I'm sure I could continue but I've waxed boring enough for one day. This is not me saying that I have no room for being convinced otherwise (an ailment that I see as being the biggest culprit of government inaction today -- stubbornness and pride) or that new facts coming to light wouldn't completely change my mind. I also have completely left out things I agree with the right about, and I wholly admit that I don't know enough about economics to know what is the "right" course of action. (Actually I think it's foolish to think there is one "right" course of action, especially when it comes to politics. There is and always will be an argument on the other side that makes completely valid points and brings the issue to a standstill. And as a side note, I would rather test out someone's hypothesis and see where it goes and then make corrections rather than not do anything while people in congress argue about it. This is why I don't really care who wins today's election: Mitt Romney changes everything put in place in the past four years and it works out great? Awesome! It doesn't? Then we know better which course of action to take. Obama gets another four years and his policies have time to take effect and they work? Awesome! If not, then we get a new person who will have a more clear idea of how to fix problems. And although the meantime may be painful while working out the kinks, I still think this would solve the problems faster than bickering and blocking in congress does.)
Anyway, this is where I stand for now, slightly leaning to the left. And now it may make more sense (and give more meaning to) when a democrat says they stand for freedom.
The separation of church and state and the freedom of religion is sort of the basis of it all. This, to me, is sort of the social version of the Christian idea of free agency - the ability/right to make decisions on our own and to suffer the consequences. The beliefs of others, for the most part, I feel shouldn't be imposed upon me, and mine shouldn't be imposed upon others. This holds up as long as their beliefs don't put me in any kind of immediate danger (or "clear and present danger," to borrow lingo from a supreme court case about the limitations of freedom of speech). To use the traditional example, falsely yelling "fire!" in a crowded theater causing a panic is an example of the limitation of the freedom of speech because it puts people in a clear and present danger of being trampled.
So many of my (still-forming) beliefs on the social issues (doesn't apply so much to the economic ones) are based on this idea: just because I believe something doesn't mean we should pass legislation that imposes that beliefs universally. Take abortion for example. I'm not a supporter of abortion. I not only think it has some pretty heavy spiritual ramifications, but I've spoken with a few women who have had one (not a great sample, I know) and it has some pretty heavy permanent emotional ramifications as well. But I can't use that as an excuse to forbid someone from making their own decision, especially since the story gets all hairy when it comes to rape and incest. (It's not okay to kill babies except when in instances of rape or incest? If your main objection to abortion is that it is killing babies, why would it ever be okay to kill babies?) And as a side note, why is it opposers of abortion are also so heavily in favor of the death penalty?
It's the same idea behind the freedom of speech. I'm not a person who enjoys that there are picketers outside of temple square every six months to make a mockery of what I believe to be the truth. But they have every right to be there. The fact that they are there simply reminds me that we are so free in this country that we don't have to worry about getting in trouble for expressing our beliefs. Sort of the "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it" thing.
So, for example, I hate pornography. I think it does so much damage to this world, to families, the individuals, to relationships, and to spirit. But I don't think it should be outlawed. It is protected under the same freedom of speech that guarantees we never have to worry about being publicly executed for expressing our opinions. And no one is being forced to look at it, to boot. (This is not a political example, since I don't think anyone is hoping to ban pornography.)
Economically, I know that through this election the candidates (especially Mitt Romney) have been addressing the "entitlement nation," those who have come to rely on the government for their sustainability and are not making the jump to self-sustainability despite being fully capable of doing so. To get rid of entitlement programs, in my mind, is to throw the baby out with the bath water. Universal health care adds coverage to SO many new people who previously could either not afford it or not receive the benefits of health insurance coverage due to previously existing conditions, that it more than negates the bad that may come from it.
Anyway, I'm sure I could continue but I've waxed boring enough for one day. This is not me saying that I have no room for being convinced otherwise (an ailment that I see as being the biggest culprit of government inaction today -- stubbornness and pride) or that new facts coming to light wouldn't completely change my mind. I also have completely left out things I agree with the right about, and I wholly admit that I don't know enough about economics to know what is the "right" course of action. (Actually I think it's foolish to think there is one "right" course of action, especially when it comes to politics. There is and always will be an argument on the other side that makes completely valid points and brings the issue to a standstill. And as a side note, I would rather test out someone's hypothesis and see where it goes and then make corrections rather than not do anything while people in congress argue about it. This is why I don't really care who wins today's election: Mitt Romney changes everything put in place in the past four years and it works out great? Awesome! It doesn't? Then we know better which course of action to take. Obama gets another four years and his policies have time to take effect and they work? Awesome! If not, then we get a new person who will have a more clear idea of how to fix problems. And although the meantime may be painful while working out the kinks, I still think this would solve the problems faster than bickering and blocking in congress does.)
Anyway, this is where I stand for now, slightly leaning to the left. And now it may make more sense (and give more meaning to) when a democrat says they stand for freedom.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Metaphor
This may be a metaphor for my dating life and why I'm still single. (Too lazy? Too picky? However you want to think about it, my point is it's probably mostly my own fault.)
Monday, October 22, 2012
Bucket List
So it's been awhile since I've posted. I'm pretty sure I'm going to try to make up for it by posting twice. (It's like when you eat a salad after eating a steak to even out your diet, right? That makes sense I'm pretty sure...)
So I was extraordinarily motivated late one night while I was daydreaming about my new goal to travel the world. I came up with a loosely-organized plan, listed all the places I want to visit, tried to find the cheapest way to do it all, and wrote it all down in an Evernote list.
Then while I was motivated I came up with a bucket list. I expected to forget all about it and procrastinate doing any of it. But it turns out when you're unemployed you've got lots of free time (that which isn't being spent applying places, that is...) to do the stuff you've always been meaning to do.
Anyway, here's my work-in-progress list. I'm currently working on four of them. These are not in any kind of prioritized order.
So I was extraordinarily motivated late one night while I was daydreaming about my new goal to travel the world. I came up with a loosely-organized plan, listed all the places I want to visit, tried to find the cheapest way to do it all, and wrote it all down in an Evernote list.
Then while I was motivated I came up with a bucket list. I expected to forget all about it and procrastinate doing any of it. But it turns out when you're unemployed you've got lots of free time (that which isn't being spent applying places, that is...) to do the stuff you've always been meaning to do.
Anyway, here's my work-in-progress list. I'm currently working on four of them. These are not in any kind of prioritized order.
- Travel the world
- Chop down a tree with an ax
- Mona rope swing one more time
- Ask out a complete stranger
- Build a computer from components
- Learn to make beautiful websites
- Go to culinary school (or at least a few great culinary classes)
- Get married to the girl of my dreams
- Move out of Utah
- Learn/memorize how to fold a fitted sheet
- Fly a kite from a mountain
- Leave a message in a bottle with my contact info
- Do as much family history research as I can get information for
- Go on a date in a foreign country
- Learn Spanish
- Learn French
- Learn Italian
- Learn Japanese
- Learn to do a kick flip on a skateboard
- Learn how to do a backflip
- Make money from selling an iPhone app
- Start a successful business
- Learn to sing like I've always wanted to be able to
- Learn to play the piano
- Start practicing violin again and perform again at least once
- Try growing my hair out
- Ride an elephant
- Be in a place with 24 hours of light/darkness
- See the northern lights
- Throw and catch a boomerang
- Take a road trip on a motorcycle
- Learn to sail
- Learn to tie all those knots from boy scouts I forgot (and know when they're used)
- Learn to pick a lock
- Learn to hot wire a car (if reasonably possible...?)
Can you guess which four I'm currently engaged in?
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Brave
It's not that Brave wasn't a good movie. It just wasn't a great Pixar movie.
Find me a moment in Pixar's Brave that elicits an emotion like any one of these clips, and I'll change my mind and say it was a worthwhile Pixar endeavor.
Better grab some tissues.
Toy Story 2
Monsters, Inc.
Finding Nemo
WALL-E
(This is a bit self-serving because the first video here is one that I posted to YouTube because I couldn't find a high quality one.
Up
You ready for this?
Toy Story 3
I can't embed it for some reason, so just follow this link -------> You won't regret it.
Find me a moment in Pixar's Brave that elicits an emotion like any one of these clips, and I'll change my mind and say it was a worthwhile Pixar endeavor.
Better grab some tissues.
Toy Story 2
Monsters, Inc.
Finding Nemo
WALL-E
(This is a bit self-serving because the first video here is one that I posted to YouTube because I couldn't find a high quality one.
Up
You ready for this?
Toy Story 3
I can't embed it for some reason, so just follow this link -------> You won't regret it.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Rooney
I have to preface this by saying that the lyrics will make me sound like I'm bitter about stuff, but I'm not. Well, to a very small degree, but whatever. I'm not mad :) It's more that it's hard when you finally get a chance to step back and take a look at the big picture of a relationship and realize that things could have been so good had it not been for certain circumstances outside of my control.
It also hard when you see the person you care for going in a direction that, at least in my opinion, is less fulfilling than it would otherwise be. But maybe I'm just being biased. I guess I just think I'm a pretty great catch :P
Rooney - When Did Your Heart Go Missing?
Love don't come so easily
This doesn't have to end in tragedy
I have you and you have me
We're one in a million
Why can't you see?
I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing, yeah?
I meant every word I said
I never was lying when we talked in bed
I'm retracing every step in my head
What did I miss back then?
I was so, so misled
I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I don't understand
How could you forget what we had,
It's so wrong
I'm waiting, waiting for nothing
You're leaving, leaving me hanging
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
I treat you like a princess
But your life is just one big mess
When did your heart go missing?
When did your heart go missing?
Monday, March 26, 2012
Pandora
Today I hate you, Jason Mraz Pandora station. How do you choose all the music that fills me with doubt, fear, and nostalgia? It's quite a talent you have.
Quit it!
-BZ
Quit it!
-BZ
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
My problem
The biggest problem with not having been in a relationship for so long is that when one starts to come up, I enact a self-fulfilling prophecy by worrying that I'm going to mess things up.
Why can't I be less of a girl and stop over analyzing everything? (No offense to any girls reading this.)
Nope, instead I read into every little thing and play it up to be something much bigger than it probably is.
To anyone else who has this problem: what are your coping techniques? Advice?
Why can't I be less of a girl and stop over analyzing everything? (No offense to any girls reading this.)
Nope, instead I read into every little thing and play it up to be something much bigger than it probably is.
To anyone else who has this problem: what are your coping techniques? Advice?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tithing
Money's been tight the past few weeks, not gonna lie. Here's my reinvigorated testimony of tithing:
Tried to pay it about a month ago, but forgot that the check I used was for an account I closed. Bounced, returned.
Then Christmas break happened, and there really wasn't anyone around to take my check anyway.
Time comes to pay it, and by this time it's a fairly substantial amount to pay all at once. Whatever, I'll pay it anyway and trust things will work out. (They always do, after all)
The same day I turn it in, my roommate comes to me with the reimbursement forms for about $110 worth of stuff I'm going to get reimbursed for that I totally forgot about.
I also called and got a $25 fee removed for making a credit card payment a couple hours late. Just cause Amex rocks, they also removed the interest charge.
Today I remember that I not only made a few sales on half.com, but made a new sale of a book that I've had sitting there online for over a year. Another $85 in the bank.
Checked my credit card rewards, and they're already back up to $25. Thanks for the free money, Chase!
Things always work out in the end you guys. That's all I can say.
Tried to pay it about a month ago, but forgot that the check I used was for an account I closed. Bounced, returned.
Then Christmas break happened, and there really wasn't anyone around to take my check anyway.
Time comes to pay it, and by this time it's a fairly substantial amount to pay all at once. Whatever, I'll pay it anyway and trust things will work out. (They always do, after all)
The same day I turn it in, my roommate comes to me with the reimbursement forms for about $110 worth of stuff I'm going to get reimbursed for that I totally forgot about.
I also called and got a $25 fee removed for making a credit card payment a couple hours late. Just cause Amex rocks, they also removed the interest charge.
Today I remember that I not only made a few sales on half.com, but made a new sale of a book that I've had sitting there online for over a year. Another $85 in the bank.
Checked my credit card rewards, and they're already back up to $25. Thanks for the free money, Chase!
Things always work out in the end you guys. That's all I can say.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thanksgiving message from a thankless place
I know probably very few of you reading this will understand the circumstances this comes from, but it is a good message nonetheless. I'm just copying and pasting part of an email from someone close who has been dealt a rotten hand and is dealing with it in the most amazing and inspiring way I can think of:
"I've thought a lot about The Atonement and Repentance in comparison to the Criminal Justice System. It seems to me that justice is far less important than punishment in the CJS. There is talk about rehabilitation, but punishment seems to be the core of the system. I see as much hypocrisy, unfairness, even dishonesty, taught and practiced here as much as in the free world. It feels like we are subject to a frustrated, hate-based culture; overseen by people who hate the inmates, endure their jobs begrudgingly and don't really like each other. There are exceptions, of course, but I know of few. (Some like their jobs too much.) It is a sad environment. Hope is a challenge if one is not properly armed. But as they say...it's prison! :-)
It is also interesting to note the dedication the public seems to have in seeking revenge and punishment for crimes, and how much money they are willing to waste on it. It makes sense to a certain degree, because we has humans are so deficient in our capacity to heal. So, when something bad happens, and since we can't make it better, we look for someone to punish...whether they are responsible or not in some cases. You've heard the saying, "Someone has to go to jail." It's actually a rule.
The Gospel plan is much different. The Savior has the ability to heal, truly heal, not only the sinner, but those who suffer because of the sinner. Having that power allows Him to offer a great gift; forgiveness on condition of repentance. Forgiveness is available in place of punishment because healing is possible. Rather than labeling the sinner forever, He says He will remember the sin no more. Wow! Imagine if that could be put to use in the CJS?
His forgiveness of the sinner is acceptable to the victims, since He heals them, too. For example, suppose Bernie Madoff (the guy that cheated his investors out of 17 billion dollars and is currently serving something like 150 years in prison) truly repented of what he did, sincerely and in acceptable form to the Savior...and was forgiven? How would the victims feel about that? Now suppose that as part of Bernie's healing process, each investor was not only given ten times what he or she lost, but was healed from all anxiety or any other effect Bernie's actions had on them? (Bernie's son was not involved, but the anger was so great against him, he committed suicide.) Would forgiveness be acceptable to the victims, then?
I am grateful to live in this dispensation where we will be privileged to receive the Savior and live at a time where not only justice will be perfect, but mercy, repentance, forgiveness and healing, as well. It is a great honor and a responsibility. Until then, we do all the good we can and learn to live after the manner of happiness in spite of the world around us. We must succeed under conditions as they are. We can and we will. It's our job. It's why we were born at this time.
I am truly grateful for a clear conscience. I am glad I know I don't belong here. I am grateful for friends and family that know that, too. I am grateful for the peace, and even contentment, the Spirit can give in the midst of adversity. I am also grateful for the sure knowledge that our Heavenly Father lives; that we are his literal children; that He is the literal father of our spirits. He loves us and he wants us to return home with honor. He has given us all we need to get there, too; even to allowing His Only Begotten Son to be sacrificed so we would not have to suffer because of our failures, if we chose. I am really glad that this life, this world, is only a test, and that it is designed for us to ace if we will accept the Holy Ghost as our tutor and Christ as our Savior. I am thankful for the "do overs" He offers and the healing he alone can provide."
I'm grateful that I've been given some of the most amazing opportunities ever. Ever. If I think of my hand compared to the millions or even billions in the world who struggle with survival, all reason to complain is squashed. If you're reading this, you should be dedicating yourself to thanking God more often than you complain. He gives us so much.
How lucky we are!
"I've thought a lot about The Atonement and Repentance in comparison to the Criminal Justice System. It seems to me that justice is far less important than punishment in the CJS. There is talk about rehabilitation, but punishment seems to be the core of the system. I see as much hypocrisy, unfairness, even dishonesty, taught and practiced here as much as in the free world. It feels like we are subject to a frustrated, hate-based culture; overseen by people who hate the inmates, endure their jobs begrudgingly and don't really like each other. There are exceptions, of course, but I know of few. (Some like their jobs too much.) It is a sad environment. Hope is a challenge if one is not properly armed. But as they say...it's prison! :-)
It is also interesting to note the dedication the public seems to have in seeking revenge and punishment for crimes, and how much money they are willing to waste on it. It makes sense to a certain degree, because we has humans are so deficient in our capacity to heal. So, when something bad happens, and since we can't make it better, we look for someone to punish...whether they are responsible or not in some cases. You've heard the saying, "Someone has to go to jail." It's actually a rule.
The Gospel plan is much different. The Savior has the ability to heal, truly heal, not only the sinner, but those who suffer because of the sinner. Having that power allows Him to offer a great gift; forgiveness on condition of repentance. Forgiveness is available in place of punishment because healing is possible. Rather than labeling the sinner forever, He says He will remember the sin no more. Wow! Imagine if that could be put to use in the CJS?
His forgiveness of the sinner is acceptable to the victims, since He heals them, too. For example, suppose Bernie Madoff (the guy that cheated his investors out of 17 billion dollars and is currently serving something like 150 years in prison) truly repented of what he did, sincerely and in acceptable form to the Savior...and was forgiven? How would the victims feel about that? Now suppose that as part of Bernie's healing process, each investor was not only given ten times what he or she lost, but was healed from all anxiety or any other effect Bernie's actions had on them? (Bernie's son was not involved, but the anger was so great against him, he committed suicide.) Would forgiveness be acceptable to the victims, then?
I am grateful to live in this dispensation where we will be privileged to receive the Savior and live at a time where not only justice will be perfect, but mercy, repentance, forgiveness and healing, as well. It is a great honor and a responsibility. Until then, we do all the good we can and learn to live after the manner of happiness in spite of the world around us. We must succeed under conditions as they are. We can and we will. It's our job. It's why we were born at this time.
I am truly grateful for a clear conscience. I am glad I know I don't belong here. I am grateful for friends and family that know that, too. I am grateful for the peace, and even contentment, the Spirit can give in the midst of adversity. I am also grateful for the sure knowledge that our Heavenly Father lives; that we are his literal children; that He is the literal father of our spirits. He loves us and he wants us to return home with honor. He has given us all we need to get there, too; even to allowing His Only Begotten Son to be sacrificed so we would not have to suffer because of our failures, if we chose. I am really glad that this life, this world, is only a test, and that it is designed for us to ace if we will accept the Holy Ghost as our tutor and Christ as our Savior. I am thankful for the "do overs" He offers and the healing he alone can provide."
I'm grateful that I've been given some of the most amazing opportunities ever. Ever. If I think of my hand compared to the millions or even billions in the world who struggle with survival, all reason to complain is squashed. If you're reading this, you should be dedicating yourself to thanking God more often than you complain. He gives us so much.
How lucky we are!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Debating
Don't forget that just because you may be a better debater than someone doesn't mean you're right or that you have the only answer. If the person you're debating with didn't make the arguments they could have to defend their stance, it still means that those arguments exist and could have been made. They could have just as easily put you on the defensive.
That's what bugs me about politics. People way in to politics always think they're the right ones and that the other guys have it all wrong. They may be great at debating, but if one candidate is way better at debating that the other, it probably means the strengths of the weaker candidates' position are not getting fairly represented for people to see the whole story.
If anything, debates serve to show the overall intelligence of the people debating, and you would obviously want to choose the more intelligent candidate. I just think it's sad when people watch debates and don't keep an open mind, but rather look for "their candidate" to roast the other guy with rhetoric.
That's what bugs me about politics. People way in to politics always think they're the right ones and that the other guys have it all wrong. They may be great at debating, but if one candidate is way better at debating that the other, it probably means the strengths of the weaker candidates' position are not getting fairly represented for people to see the whole story.
If anything, debates serve to show the overall intelligence of the people debating, and you would obviously want to choose the more intelligent candidate. I just think it's sad when people watch debates and don't keep an open mind, but rather look for "their candidate" to roast the other guy with rhetoric.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
My hair color philosophy
A hot blonde girl turns heads.
Frequency: fairly common
A hot brunette stops you in your tracks.
Frequency: uncommon
Frequency: fairly common
A hot brunette stops you in your tracks.
Frequency: uncommon
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Sound of Settling
Our youth is fleeting,
Old age is just around the bend.
And I can't wait to go gray.
And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.
Old age is just around the bend.
And I can't wait to go gray.
And I'll sit and wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something charming to say.
Monday, October 17, 2011
New York City in 3 days
I need to write down a list of the things we did while in New York this weekend before I forget them all. In fact my memory is so poor I'm sure I'm already missing things, but whatever.
In 3 days in NYC, we did/went to/ate at the following:
In 3 days. I know there are a couple other things I'm forgetting too.
In 3 days in NYC, we did/went to/ate at the following:
- Times Square
- Washington Square Park
- Canal Street
- Bought/did some shady shopping while there
- Wall Street
- Occupy Wall Street protests
- 9/11 Memorial
- Bought ties at Century 21 (3 sweet ties for $38 total)
- Shake Shack ($17 fast food meal anyone?) and Flatiron building
- Columbia University (OM Gorgeous campus...)
- Cathedral Church by Columbia
- Metropolitan Museum of Art
- Central Park - row boating on the lake was amazing!
- United Nations - sat in the Security Council's chairs and stood at the General Assembly's pulpit. (Pulpit? Is that only a church term?)
- Halal food street vendor
- LOVE Statue
- Grand Central Station
- Artichoke Basille's Pizza
- Observation deck of the Empire State Building
- Walk the Brooklyn Bridge
- Grimaldi's Pizza
- Staten Island Ferry - nighttime view of the Statue of Liberty and downtown New York City
And I think I spent less than $300 for the whole trip. Booya!
Spirit
Spirit airlines is bad.
Bags cost $38 to check and $40 to bring on the plane. (Personal items are free! Whoopee!)
The person in front of my at check-in didn't take his own bags to TSA screening (which everyone at La Guardia is supposed to do themselves), but when the employee who checked him in couldn't find the man to tell him to take his bags, he took them there for the man. Nice, right? His manager snapped at him in front of everyone.
Too bad the nice guy mis-tagged my bag and sent it to Fort Lauderdale.
The plane seats were this weird, cracked, fake leather that wasn't very comfortable. Fortunately I slept the entire time (literally got no sleep the night before).
When my baggage didn't come, I went to the Spirit baggage office, which was locked. I knocked on the door--nothing. Knocked harder and a lady back at the carousel was like "did you need something?" It took me a while to realize she worked for that locked Spirit baggage office, so I was like "yeah, I just need my bag."
"All the bags are over there on the carousel."
(Those of you who know me know my absolute biggest pet peeve is people treating me like I'm incompetent or stupid.)
"I know they're supposed to be, but mine isn't over there..."
"What color is it?"
"Tan."
"There's a tan bag right over there on the carousel."
"I can see that, but that isn't my bag."
"Do you have your claim ticket?"
I gave it to her, and she actually took it and tried to match it with the huge tan suitcase that I had just told her wasn't mine.
"Ma'am, I know that isn't my bag..."
So we went into the office, figured out the bag was sent to Florida, and filled out the paperwork.
(This is where the double entendre of the post title comes in)
Just as we were finishing, I felt impressed to ask the lady to repeat my address, just in case.
"1736 Loveland."
"... no, it's 17260 Loveland."
You have to appreciate the small things Heavenly Father does for us.
Thank you Spirit! (The Holy Ghost one, not the airline.)
P.s. Go here for some relevant funny stuff
Bags cost $38 to check and $40 to bring on the plane. (Personal items are free! Whoopee!)
The person in front of my at check-in didn't take his own bags to TSA screening (which everyone at La Guardia is supposed to do themselves), but when the employee who checked him in couldn't find the man to tell him to take his bags, he took them there for the man. Nice, right? His manager snapped at him in front of everyone.
Too bad the nice guy mis-tagged my bag and sent it to Fort Lauderdale.
The plane seats were this weird, cracked, fake leather that wasn't very comfortable. Fortunately I slept the entire time (literally got no sleep the night before).
When my baggage didn't come, I went to the Spirit baggage office, which was locked. I knocked on the door--nothing. Knocked harder and a lady back at the carousel was like "did you need something?" It took me a while to realize she worked for that locked Spirit baggage office, so I was like "yeah, I just need my bag."
"All the bags are over there on the carousel."
(Those of you who know me know my absolute biggest pet peeve is people treating me like I'm incompetent or stupid.)
"I know they're supposed to be, but mine isn't over there..."
"What color is it?"
"Tan."
"There's a tan bag right over there on the carousel."
"I can see that, but that isn't my bag."
"Do you have your claim ticket?"
I gave it to her, and she actually took it and tried to match it with the huge tan suitcase that I had just told her wasn't mine.
"Ma'am, I know that isn't my bag..."
So we went into the office, figured out the bag was sent to Florida, and filled out the paperwork.
(This is where the double entendre of the post title comes in)
Just as we were finishing, I felt impressed to ask the lady to repeat my address, just in case.
"1736 Loveland."
"... no, it's 17260 Loveland."
You have to appreciate the small things Heavenly Father does for us.
Thank you Spirit! (The Holy Ghost one, not the airline.)
P.s. Go here for some relevant funny stuff
Friday, July 8, 2011
Over-thinking
I like the way wikipedia explains Occam's Razor as "a principle that generally recommends selecting the competing hypothesis that makes the fewest new assumptions."
But I naturally tend towards making a ton of new assumptions, and then reacting emotionally based on those new assumptions. When I don't have all the information, I assume the worst and react based on that assumption. Makes no sense.
On a somewhat related note, I wanted to relate something I've learned over the past few weeks, relationship-wise. Over-thinking relationships can be the death of them. (Or suffocate them before they can even start. Kinda like the seeds sown in the weeds in Mark 4:3-9)
Here's what I mean. To myself, I am a very persuasive person. In the same way I convince myself that a slew of new assumptions are true, I can convince myself that pretty much anything I don't know much about is true. I can also pretty much talk myself out of anything.
Especially in Provo (maybe all of Utah?), I think the thought pattern goes like this: (feel free to change the gender, because it goes both ways)
But I naturally tend towards making a ton of new assumptions, and then reacting emotionally based on those new assumptions. When I don't have all the information, I assume the worst and react based on that assumption. Makes no sense.
On a somewhat related note, I wanted to relate something I've learned over the past few weeks, relationship-wise. Over-thinking relationships can be the death of them. (Or suffocate them before they can even start. Kinda like the seeds sown in the weeds in Mark 4:3-9)
Here's what I mean. To myself, I am a very persuasive person. In the same way I convince myself that a slew of new assumptions are true, I can convince myself that pretty much anything I don't know much about is true. I can also pretty much talk myself out of anything.
Especially in Provo (maybe all of Utah?), I think the thought pattern goes like this: (feel free to change the gender, because it goes both ways)
"I dunno, I think I kinda like her. But I still don't really know. I should keep dating around to see if she's really the one for me."
"Yeah, I don't know that I'm really super interested in her."
"She's not really my type."
These thoughts, in my opinion, are really just ways to think yourself out of having a relationship that could potentially become something very meaningful. I think part of it also assumes that the "commitment gap" (as I'll call it) between (1) going on dates, (2) dating exclusively, and (3) being engaged are something like this:
(1) ----------- (2) ----------- (3)
Where it is as big a commitment to move from 1 to 2 as it is to move from 2 to 3.
What?!
I mean, maybe we don't consciously think that, but I for one sure act like it. "I don't know if I'm super interested in her." (So... really you're thinking 'why take the huge irreversible step (note the sarcasm) to date her exclusively to find out how interested I am?' Is that what I am really thinking?) "She's not really my type." (How do you know? You've only ever gone after the same kind of person before!)
The gap is truly more like this:
(1) -- (2) ------------------------- (3)
Moral of the story: don't avoid getting into a relationship because it may not work out. Doing so is basically like saying you will only date exclusively the person you fully intend to marry. And then how do you gain experience?
My first philosophy: if I'm not interested after the 1st date, I probably won't ask her out again.
My last philosophy: always go on a second date and keep an open mind. First dates are bad for really getting to know someone
My newest philosophy: just freaking date people! Obviously if there are red flags, then don't go there. But if you're honestly not sure, I say just go for it! The worst thing that could happen is you find out you're not really that interested, and you break up and move on. Isn't that basically the definition of dating before marriage? You learn facts about people on the first few dates. You don't really get to know the person until a pretty substantial amount of time (and maybe even a certain level of commitment?) is spent with them.
If you think too hard about it, you'll probably talk yourself out of it. And maybe even out of feelings you once had for someone.
Believe me. It happens. Unfortunately.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Here's an interesting article about a study done at Stanford indicating that time spent on Facebook could contribute to people's sadness and depression. I guess we really don't want to know that other people are having more fun/being more successful than us out there, huh?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
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