I want to be myself as much as I can, but sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am most of the time.
The conclusion I've come to is that who I am is always changing. I try to be easygoing, but sometimes I'm not. I try to go with the flow but sometimes I get stuck in my ways. I try to learn new things but sometimes I just get lazy. Maybe instead of seeing myself as always short of who I want to be, I should be happy for the progress I've already made. Maybe that way I can find ways to change the things I want to, but not get down on myself when I fail. After all, it seems like it would be hard to be happy with change if you never feel good enough about it.
I noticed the other day that not only do I try to have certain qualities, but I try to avoid other qualities. I spend too much time worrying about who I don't want to become that I sometimes forget to work on becoming who I DO want to be.
For example, I often find myself thinking, "I want to [insert something that takes you out of your comfort zone, like asking a girl/guy you just met out], but I don't want to be one of THOSE guys/girls." Well what if I don't want to be one of those guys but I still want to do that uncomfortable thing? What if I think it'll help me grow?
A roommate and I were talking about how a tactic I read a little while ago. It's meant to be a way to get over the awkwardness you feel when trying to approach a total stranger. Basically stated, you practice. You go to a mall and just approach strangers and try to strike up a conversation. When I first hear that I think "well I want to be able to talk to random people and make friendships, but I don't want to be one of those guys..." Is any of this making sense?
Conclusion: less worrying about what other people think. Less worrying about what I think of other people. More risks to take, since I pretty much only have something to gain.
So thanks for the hard-to-hear heads up about that book. Bekah was right, it's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I totally get what you're saying about the whole "being one of those guys/girls." I catch myself doing that all the time. For some reason, I have this natural desire to want to be just a little bit different from everyone else. Which is probably healthy, to a point. Adds some spice to life, but let's not get obsessive about it.
I completely overanalyze how others see me. And that's really unnecessary a lot of times.
Because, frankly, most people don't really care what I do. I'm sure I think about it a lot more than they do.