Peeing in the pool

So I had a friend the other day give the analogy that dating within your ward was like peeing in a pool. I didn't agree.

Then I was about to write a blog post about how I didn't agree, until another friend helped me realize just how bad it can be. I guess because I haven't experienced the negative stuff that can happen, I didn't really understand.

Now I'm writing a blog post with the conclusion that "peeing in the pool" is worth the risk, but with the purpose to spark a discussion and see what people think about it. Here are my thoughts (they are not very well formulated, and because I am inexperienced in this matter, they are subject to change. Leave comments letting me know what you think):

I remember having a conversation (I think it was with Ace, but may have been with Matt) about how so many girls (at the time) were saying they didn't want to give a relationship a chance because they were afraid of what would happen if it didn't work out.

We all know that high risk gives high returns, and modest risk gives modest returns. My question (and I guess my argument for why it is worth "peeing in the pool") is: when we are dating, are we looking for high returns or only modest returns?

Obviously we shouldn't only go on dates with people we feel we could marry. We should go on dates with people we think we could have fun with, and with the purpose of seeing if we could date the person more exclusively. Then we continue to date exclusively to see if we could get engaged. And we get engaged as a precursor to actual marriage. The steps are important, and one shouldn't be too focused on the end, but rather focused on the means.

But I've known too many people who dated and married someone in their ward to believe that it isn't worth giving people in your ward a chance simply because of what could happen if it didn't work out.

Sure there is a distinct possibility that one person will break up with the other, and it will cause awkward, crappy situations where you don't want to be around the person/try to avoid them, etc. That's something that comes with high risk.

But I would bet that most people who have had that happen to them have come out better in the end, with more experience and a better understanding of what they want in a spouse. It sucks in the meantime, but is beneficial in the long run.

I've spent way too much of my life avoiding risk. I can tell you from personal experience that modest risk has returned modest rewards. If you know of someone in your ward who you would date if only you knew for sure that it would work out, I say just go for it!


Take the risk. Because what people regret most in the long run is not having taken enough risks in life. 


(Just read the five points the writer of that last blog entry makes. They're worth the time.)