Yes, Dear, King of Queens, and Everybody Loves Raymond

are the same shows!

Men are irresponsible, thoughtless, lazy pacifists.

Women are controlling, nagging dictators.

There is no compromise, no serious discussion, very few kinds acts, way too much bickering.

Unfortunately, I think these shows are popular because too many people think it is "so true."

Some lines from the shows:

"What keeps me from cheating on you?"

"I will DIVORCE you."

I could keep going on, but it depresses me a little bit.

My own (500) Days of Summer input

Inspired by Virginia's post about this movie, I thought I would add my own random, probably poorly-thought-out thoughts.

I sincerely hope that when the narrator at the end was saying that Tom Hansen had learned that there was no such thing as fate and destiny, that he wasn't being sarcastic.

Okay, I take that back. What I should say is I'm disappointed that the narrator was being sarcastic when he said "Tom had finally learned that there are no miracles. There's no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be. He knew. He was sure of it now..."

Granted, it flows well with the theme of the movie. I just don't agree with it. (Well, except the miracles part, but not in the context they're talking about). There really is no such thing as fate or a "meant to be." If you feel you love someone and they don't love you back, I don't believe it means that s/he just wasn't the one. Because there is no "one."

It was an interesting conversation with a guy down the hall who said he doesn't believe in praying to find out if a certain person is the right person to be with. I thought about that for a long time, and finally came to believe that he's right. I would rather pray to say that I had made a choice and felt good about it. Free agency still applies in love and marriage.

I loved how real the movie was! It really wasn't a chick flick love story inundating me with cliché lines and expectations that were unrealistically met:

1) Why is it so many people have those dreams about losing a tooth, falling, being in a tornado, etc.? Weird.

2) We don't just use first impressions to judge people. We often judge before we even meet people, before we give them a chance. Like when Tom heard from his friend that Summer was a prude (paraphrased). Then he's all "why is it pretty girls feel like they can treat other people like crap" (Also paraphrased).

3) Or when she said she had a good weekend. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has read way too deep into things. Can I get an amen?

4) We use a selective memory. "Next time you look back, I really think you should look again."

5) Getting invited to a party by someone you like will rarely turn out the way you expect. More than once I've been invited to a party by someone I liked only to find myself surrounded by a bunch of her friends that I don't know, talking to a few strangers for awhile before I realize how stupid I was to fall for the old "come to my party" trick again, and leaving.

Anyway, I'm sure there's a bunch more I could say, but it's technically Christmas and Santa still hasn't come because I'm still awake, so.... yeah. Goodnight!

Things like this remind me how I'm not excellent at anything

I mean, it's great that people can get so good at something. It renews my faith in people's persistence, even if it's in little things like yo-yo tricks.

But then I remember that although I'm pretty good at a lot of things, I'm not GREAT at anything!

I guess the easy way out is to say I'm great at being okay at a lot of things. But that doesn't count.

This is someone I know's brother. I would call her a friend, but we only hung out once. She plays hockey though, so she's got to be pretty awesome, right?

Rants

It's probably not a good practice to not write in my blog for almost 3 months, and then have my first post in such a long time be complaining.

I was going to complain about how chick flicks make dating more difficult for guys, but I think I'll let Matt do that since I'm sure he can be much more elaborate than I.

I did, however, just catch myself up on the whole Max Hall controversy thing, including watching his press conference and reading the apology statement issued earlier tonight. It all started from seeing a Facebook group called "Max Hall is classless."

My take:
Hall was frustrated from the things that Utah fans did to his family last year. He's understandably upset and was (probably wrongfully) using the press conference to vent his anger.

That being said, I've heard so many things about incidents started/perpetuated by Utah fans that I can't believe it is just a coincidence. I know BYU fans do/say things out of line (believe me, sitting in the west seats during the 2007 BYU - Utah game was enough for me to be disappointed with even the elderly BYU fans...). But ripping out goal posts at the opponents field? C'mon Utah.

Also, the language used on the Facebook page by the Utah fans isn't really helping their case against Hall's remarks. And not that it's related, but their language isn't helping me gain a respect for their academics either, especially when I see Utah fans using words like "unsincere." (by more than one person...)

Oh well. I thank Utah for a great game Saturday. It was a lot of fun to be at. I'm done complaining about this.

Ambiguity

In my media law class our professor gave us an assignment to read a talk by Bruce C. Hafen, and said that it was a talk that changed his life. I'm always excited to find a great talk to read because I like seeing the way different people use experiences, language, and metaphors to put thoughts together in ways that I have never seen before. Oftentimes I consider a talk "great" when the speaker manages to string together words and experiences in such a way that it describes almost perfectly the same feelings I've had on a subject, but have always been unable to do justice to with my own language. (If that makes any sense at all...)

"Love is not Blind" by Bruce C. Hafen is one of those talks. I feel like it says perfectly the thoughts and feelings on the subject I've had. I honestly think that reading it will at least open one's eyes to a new way of thinking about life and the gospel.

The following is possibly my favorite quote from the talk. Read it and re-read it if you need. You won't regret it.

"If we are not willing to grapple with the frustration that comes from honestly and bravely facing the uncertainties we encounter, we may never develop the kind of spiritual maturity that is necessary for our ultimate preparations. It was Heber C. Kimball who once said that the Church has many close places through which it must yet pass and that those living on borrowed light will not be able to stand when those days come. Thus, we need to develop the capacity to form judgments of our own about the value of ideas, opportunities, or people who may come into our lives. We will not always have the security of knowing whether a certain idea is "Church approved," because new ideas do not always come along with little tags attached to them saying whether the Church has given them the stamp of approval. Whether in the form of music, books, friends, or opportunities to serve, there is much that is "lovely, . . . of good report, [and] praiseworthy" (Article of Faith 13) that is not the subject of detailed discussion in Church manuals or courses of instruction. Those who will not risk exposure to experiences of life that are not obviously related to some well-known Church work or program will, I believe, live less abundant and meaningful lives than the Lord intends. We must develop sufficient independence of judgment and maturity of perspective that we are prepared to handle the shafts and whirlwinds of adversity and contradiction that are so likely to come along in our lives. When those times come, we cannot be living on borrowed light. We should not be deceived by the clear-cut labels some may use to describe circumstances that are, in fact, not so clear. Our encounters with reality and disappointment are in fact vital stages in the development of our maturity and understanding"

Don't think I'm using this to justify my own vices, nor to think it is okay (or even better) to learn evils through experience. All I'm saying is that closed-mindedness won't lead a person in the right direction. Perhaps recognizing that there exists a twisted path is the only way we can appreciate the straight and narrow one. And perhaps the straight and narrow path isn't as tight-rope thin as we make it out to be.

I can't do the talk justice. You're better off just reading it.

Honesty, anonymously

Try saying that 3 times fast!

I have a friend (who is a girl) who just moved in to a new ward. (I'm not sure if she reads my blog or not, so if you know this is about you and you're upset that I know the following about you, I'm sorry! Please don't be mad!)

That being said, she told a guy friend of mine that she wanted to make a good impression on the guys in her new ward and was wondering what it was she could do to be more attractive physically and in personality. She believes she has an issues with quickly becoming a friend and never moving past that phase.

Frankly, I like this approach of hers and I would like to propose that all of you who read this blog (and who know me personally) do the same.

The rules:

1. Be anonymous. When posting your comments/opinions, sign out of your own account and don't include your name. I'm fairly certain this is possible for everyone, but I'm not positive. I believe this will help people feel open to express their true opinions. (I think when it asks you to choose the profile you're posting as, there is an option to post as "anonymous.")
   
2. Be specific. If it's my hair, my dress, my musk, don't just state it. Let me know what you think I could/should do to be more appealing/pleasant.
3. Be honest. Remember that because it is anonymous I REALLY WON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I mean, I know who follows my blog and all, but I won't be able to match the comments with the profiles. And I won't look for ways to match them up either, because I don't care. I just want your true opinions/thoughts on the matter.
   
4. Be diverse. Try to include both physical and personality suggestions if you can.
   

I was going to include a 5th rule saying not to be rude, but I know none of you are so I don't worry about that :-) Of course you all know I can take a joke so it's not like you can't throw a jab here and there.

This is not an exercise in self-esteem building or compliment fishing! You can compliment, but only if you have a suggestion/opinion/general betterment to offer with it. And don't feel like you need to compliment me to offset a suggestion you have. I won't take it personally!

I really appreciate people's input. I've described my dating woes as self-inflicted a few times before, and it hasn't changed quite yet. But I would like to be prepared as best I can as soon as I finally come to my senses.

And that is about to happen very soon. I can feel it coming.

August goals

 I think I like the picture at the beginning of the post. It adds feeling.

Alright, well a recap of my August goals:

Body - Improve my posture: I've done pretty well. I've been much more aware of how I hold myself, and have tried to straighten up (physically, not behaviorally). I can't tell how much it has helped, but I like to think I've start to make it a habit at least to notice my posture every now and then.

Mind - Improve my memory: I haven't done very well with this. Fortunately with the new semester starting and my increased responsibility to remember names of ward members, I think September may be a better month for this. I will make it one of my mind goals again.

Spirit - Improve my scripture study: It has definitely improved a lot! I really like the read-less-write-more technique, and will definitely be continuing it (hopefully with even more regularity) until I find something better. I think I made it a little more than every 3rd day in August, which I think I can attribute to the business of travelling. (Attribute, NOT excuse...)

Misc. - read more: Definitely doing well. I finished The Glass Castle a couple of weeks ago (thank you unnecessarily long routes to Detroit! SLC - Phoenix - Atlanta - Detroit) and I am about halfway through Ender's Game. I think once school starts it will be more of a challenge to read for recreation, but I will try to continue it. If I see myself trailing off, I may have to make it another misc. goal again.

Keep me accountable! I'll try to come up with some really good September goals now.

Photo from here

The Chase

I just figured this out about myself... again: I like the chase a lot, but I don't care too much for the catch.

Similar to my roommate's recent post, I think having what I want isn't what makes me happy, it's the thrill of wanting something I don't have. Not necessarily something I can't have, but just something I don't have. And maybe it's not just me. Perhaps this is the same reason why material things can't really bring you happiness.

In dating, it seems like as soon as I develop a crush on someone, I don't want to lose that wonderful/slightly ill feeling I get whenever I see them, talk to them, think of them, etc. I think subconsciously I want that feeling to stick around, so I take no action. I don't ask them out, I just hang out. I don't take risks, but I play it safe. I guess maybe I worry that if they're not interested, I'll have to replace that wonderful feeling I associate with them with a feeling of rejection.

But that gets me nowhere! I've already posted a few times about not passing up opportunities, but I have such a hard time actually taking advantage of them! (Granted, I have been doing better recently.)

So here it is: I want to hear your suggestions on how I need to go about changing my nature of passing up good dating opportunities when they're presented. Any rants/raves/ideas you have are welcome.

Driving adventures

Between Monday, July 26 and Monday, August 3 I drove:

Provo to Cedar City: 206 miles
Las Vegas to Provo: 385 miles
Provo to Enoch: 206 miles
Enoch to Zion National Park and back: 131 miles
Enoch to Cedar Breaks and back: 65 miles
Cedar City to Las Vegas: 187 miles
Cedar City to Provo: 206 miles
------------------------------------------
Subtotal: 1,386 miles

From Monday July 26 to Monday August 3 I was a passenger for:

Cedar City to Las Vegas: 187 miles
Las Vegas to Cedar City: 187 miles
Cedar City to St. George and back: 122 miles
------------------------------------------
Subtotal: 496 miles
+ 1,386 miles
=========================
Total mileage in the car: 1,882 miles

Also about 1,882 miles from Provo: Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Pittsburgh, PA, and Fort Knox, KY (with about 200 miles to spare for getaway driving time after knocking off the bullion depository.)

Google maps won't let me drive to Mexico. Probably because of the Swine Flu and the water.

Body, Mind, Spirit, and Miscellaneous

I made goals at the beginning this year. I'm not going to mention how well I'm doing at achieving them, but let it be known that I'm not failing at them all :-) Just most of them...

Anyway, I was thinking today about goals, and I realized that maybe a way to keep my goals on the top of my mind is to set goals each month instead of each year. (I can still set yearly goals, but maybe make my monthly goals more specific and make sure they help me achieve my long-term goals.)

So I read a good post about posture the other day and realized that I need to improve mine. Then on my way to the adlab today I realized I should also find ways to improve my memory (because it's terrible unless I'm dealing with numbers). Then I thought, "well I've got a 'body' goal and a 'mind' goal, why not have a 'spirit' goal too?" Then I thought, "but if I have all those, then I won't be able to have a more fun goal, like learning to juggle, typing the right way, or whistling loud. But what would I call that?"

So now I have my very own "Body, Mind, Spirit, and Miscellaneous" self-improvement system. I'm going to come up with a goal in each one of those categories, and try to improve that part of my life for a month. My hope is that it will become habit by the end of the month, and I can move on to another goal. (For example, I won't have to consciously think about improving my posture, but will hopefully do it out of habit.)

(As a side note, I can do as many goals in the "Miscellaneous" category as I want in a month. I can also go above and beyond in any of the categories if I want.)

So in August we have:

Body - Improve my posture. I am going to keep my back straight when I sit and stand, and keep my head up as I walk. It help me to think about how not slouching stops my ribs from cramming my stomach organs forward as it talks about in the Art of Manliness blog referenced above. Cause that's just gross. And this way I'll probably have even more of a rippling 6-pack than I already have. Yes... the one I already have...

Mind - Improve my memory. Whenever someone tell me their name, I'm going to remember it. I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to accomplish this yet, but I think the Wilk actually holds little classes/gives suggestions on how to improve your memory skills, so I may just go look into that.

Spirit - Improve my scripture study. I've always been very on and off with scripture reading. Instead of focusing on the amount of time I read every day, I'm going to read for at least 5 minutes every day, but also write at least one sentence down about something I learned/felt while reading. I hope to be able to increase the time/amount that I write in the future, but for now this will suffice.

Misc. - Read more. Other than scripture study, I want to read more. I've been doing alright this past week in reading, but I know once I finish the book I'm on I'll have to have another one waiting for me or else I may not continue. I would like to read at least a book a month, even when things get crazy in the Fall.

There you have it. Feel free to stay on top of me with these and ask me how they're going. Maybe a little accountability is what I need to keep me going.

Also, if you read all the way through this post, please leave me a quick comment, even just to say "I read it all." I would like to know who actually reads my blog! :-) Thanks!

Humor

In reflecting on what it is that attracts me to certain people and not others, I think I've finally found that a good sense of humor is the personality trait for me that can make all the difference! What a great realization. I've always known it was important, but I was recently thinking about people I was initially attracted to, and then I lost interest in. I was wondering what it was about the person that turned me off to them. And today it finally clicked!

I wonder what it is about someone with a good sense of humor (which I realize is very likely a relative term) that attracts me so much? Maybe it's a charisma thing? Maybe it shows intelligence, or "easy-goingness", or "she-just-gets-it-ness"? Maybe I value my own sense of humor more than other personality traits of mine, and therefore I value it more in someone else too?

There's people I can think of now, people I still associate with, that I think are really attractive. But as I've gotten to know them I find that I'm not interested in more than friendship, and I now believe that humor is the factor that changes it all for me.

Sometimes I get torn though. Sometimes a girl just has so many good qualities that I appreciate, and when I'm not with her I think "I really should try to see if so-and-so and I would be a good match." Then when I'm around them I either feel uninteresting/boring, or uninterested/bored. I hate it, but I can't help it. It's not her fault, and I don't think it means she has a bad sense of humor, just that it doesn't mesh well with mine.

I can think of 6 girls off hand that I think I would be a good match with, and all of them are girls whose sense of humor I really appreciate. There are 3 girls I can think of off hand that I think have some great qualities, but don't have my kind of sense of humor, and that I don't think I'll pursue. (Although friendship still sounds great, but does that ever really work?)

Anyway, I've reached the point where I'm just beating a dead horse.

p.s. I'm not telling you who the girls are, so don't ask.

p.p.s. Then again, I may have just had my backside delivered to me by this. Make sure to read the whole post. (I had to click "continue reading" the first time, but I don't know if you will need to or not...)

Men

Randomly scrolling through the comments on a very good Zen Habits article I saw one of the girls commenting had a cute picture, so I clicked on it. (Sue me)

I've often found that when women write about men, they're usually venting some kind of emotion, and therefore say a lot of things they don't really mean, don't actually believe, or haven't quite thought all the way through. (Clearly this isn't always the case, and clearly men do the same thing.)

This article was a really good one though! I'd say for the most part it is very accurate and well thought-out. (The cleanliness one doesn't really apply to me. When I am messy, I'd say it's more clutter than dirt. And besides, most of the girls I know keep public areas of the house quite clean and everything else... well let's just say not as clean.)

Maybe I should venture to write a "10 things I've learned from dealing with women," but since I've only ever lived with a few (sisters) I probably couldn't contribute too much that wasn't already general knowledge. Maybe I should opt for co-ed housing in grad school (assuming I'm not married by then)?

Nah.

My own medicine

In my dating life, I've always been turned off by the idea of competing for a girl. I've always thought that I should be able to woo someone I'm interested without having to be just a little bit better than someone else. I guess in my mind that means that she would like me for who I am, and not just because I'm the best option at the time. (Even though those two can go together... if that makes any sense.)

I was talking with a friend about how I just kind of drop things if I find out a girl I'm interested in might be interested in someone else. "But what if she's a really great girl then? Is she still not worth fighting for?"

To me that seems like quite a loaded question. Nevertheless, it made me start to rethink my perspective on dating. Maybe I should follow my own advice instead of give up so easily. If it's something I want, that doens't mean I should give it up just because someone else might want it to.

Just a thought. Sorry if my self-inflicted dating woes bore you. You'll live.

Own up

So I was at Smith's the other day; one of those in-and-out deals where I have one item to go through self checkout and leave. Understand: I have had lots of fun standing in line waiting for a self-checkout machine watching other people try to use them. This particular time there was a man who had just one item also, and was trying to get through fast.

I can understand trying to get through fast. When you have just one thing, you don't want it to take the same amount of time as 10 or 15 things. However, sometimes in the rush to be even faster, people sacrifice logic.

This man, when I found him standing there, began to beat at the machine and say "maybe if I hit the machine enough someone will finally come." Granted Smith's employees are sub-par, and the "please wait for an attendant" voice usually means "go get an attendant because you won't be helped anytime soon." That being said, the man was still holding the item in his hand and I could see on the screen from 20 feet away the message to "please place the item in the bagging area." He didn't need an attendant, he just needed to follow directions. I think that in trying to be faster, the guy forgot that the machine needs to make sure he isn't putting 2 items in his cart for every 1 item he scans...

I don't know how many times I've thought something along the lines of "this machine messed up," "I got the question wrong because the calculator gave me the wrong answer," "there must be something wrong with [insert something or someone else here]." Fortunately I think I do a pretty good job of recognizing when it just might be my fault rather than someone/something else's. Calculators are never wrong.

Similarly, it seems to me that about 95% of the time people say "someone stole my [keys/wallet/etc.]" that they were really just misplaced by the person. (Matt - this isn't directed at you, I promise :-P I just now remembered about your bag at the Law College.)

On the mission, it's always that your companion is the hard-to-deal-with one. In high school it's always that the teacher doesn't like you. And I'm sure you've noticed that everyone who drives slower than you is an idiot and everyone who drives faster than you is a maniac, right?

"The woman thou gavest me, and commandest that she should remain with me, she gave me of the fruit of the tree and I did eat.
"And I, the Lord God, said unto the woman: What is this thing which thou hast done? And the woman said: The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat."

(Okay, that last one was just a joke. It was just the first thing that came to my head when I thought about putting blame elsewhere. Don't get offended.)

Let's own up to our mistakes. Oh, and don't forget to do what you're supposed to and not get distracted by wanting to place the blame somewhere it isn't due. In the rush to find a scapegoat, it seems we neglect little (but important) details, like placing your item in the bagging area.

This time it was calculated

So I just got offered a job as a software tester for NextPage in Bluffdale. It pays $11/hour and has very flexible hours.

I turned it down. But this time my decision was calculated.

I have had a bad habit in the past of missing opportunities. This time I actually thought about my schedule and realized that taking this job in the Fall would mean I couldn't do anything in the Ad Lab. I would basically leave class to go to work, work for 4-5 hours, then come back. And I would be doing that for 4-5 days a week. Once I got home I would do all my homework, and then basically wind down for the night. Sounds like a good plan, right?

Except the Ad Lab has proven to be a great way to break into the advertising world for past students. If my primary objective is to get experience, then doing advertising for real clients is going to be better than testing software for NextPage. And the Ad Lab gets crazy busy in the Fall. (I'm actually somewhat looking forward to having it take over my life.) I honestly don't think I'd be able to do all that.

I told the guy that I would love to work for them for July and the bit of August that I'm in Utah, but that I think my schedule wouldn't allow me to work for him. By saying that, I realized I was putting the Ad Lab as a higher priority than work, which I'm alright with.

Anyway, I almost feel like I'm trying to justify myself, probably because I am. I still feel a little sick from turning down a good job, but a little comforted that I think my plans are starting to fall into place.

Now I just need to get crackin' on some Ad Lab stuff so that turning down the job is worth it. Motivation?

Myself

I want to be myself as much as I can, but sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am most of the time.

The conclusion I've come to is that who I am is always changing. I try to be easygoing, but sometimes I'm not. I try to go with the flow but sometimes I get stuck in my ways. I try to learn new things but sometimes I just get lazy. Maybe instead of seeing myself as always short of who I want to be, I should be happy for the progress I've already made. Maybe that way I can find ways to change the things I want to, but not get down on myself when I fail. After all, it seems like it would be hard to be happy with change if you never feel good enough about it.

I noticed the other day that not only do I try to have certain qualities, but I try to avoid other qualities. I spend too much time worrying about who I don't want to become that I sometimes forget to work on becoming who I DO want to be.

For example, I often find myself thinking, "I want to [insert something that takes you out of your comfort zone, like asking a girl/guy you just met out], but I don't want to be one of THOSE guys/girls." Well what if I don't want to be one of those guys but I still want to do that uncomfortable thing? What if I think it'll help me grow?

A roommate and I were talking about how a tactic I read a little while ago. It's meant to be a way to get over the awkwardness you feel when trying to approach a total stranger. Basically stated, you practice. You go to a mall and just approach strangers and try to strike up a conversation. When I first hear that I think "well I want to be able to talk to random people and make friendships, but I don't want to be one of those guys..." Is any of this making sense?

Conclusion: less worrying about what other people think. Less worrying about what I think of other people. More risks to take, since I pretty much only have something to gain.

'Cause I'm kind of a health nut

New! From the creators of Baconnaise comes the newest way to raise your blood sugar and renew your sense of illness. It's Bacon Salt!

Also, this is pretty good. Skip ahead of 2:10 if you're short on time.

I did it!

I just added labels to all my past blog posts. You know how when you've got nothing to do, you finally get around to doing those things you've always meant to do, but never had time? Yeah, that's what today has been. I was going to go running, but instead I updated my blog and blogger profile...

While I'm here, I had a thought when I went to the airport a few weeks ago. We were sitting in the park & wait and I was noticing just how many people were there waiting for people they cared about to pick them up. I mean, going to the airport in the kind of weather that day is not a pleasant experience, but clearly it would be more pleasant to get to see/help out the friend or loved one that had been gone. It was touching in all of its "Love, Actually" manner. (I was looking for a good YouTube video to post here of the Love, Actually intro, but I could only find this. Please ignore the 80's quality music and the Arabic (Farsi? Elvish?) subtitles. Oh and at 1:00 you can just stop watching altogether cause then it cuts to the end and kinda ruins the mood.)

Because we want to

Why would people ever go out of their way to help someone else? We don't really gain anything tangible. In fact, I'd say people lose more tangibles by helping other people than they gain. So why do people help each other, lift each other up, and support people other than themselves?

Did you know there are people out there who check discussion forums religiously simply to answer any questions that people ask about whatever the topic may be? They're not paid.

Why would non-business people put up all the recipes, guides, FAQs and how-to videos that they do? They already know it, so what if someone else doesn't?

Why do I enjoy making breakfast or dinner for other people? It just takes lots of time and costs me money!

Deep down I hope at my eulogy that "altruistic" is one of the three words my friends/family would use to describe me. And I hope I have a long life ahead of me to prepare for that, cause I have a long way to go.

We're not as dumb as we want people to believe we are

Every time I hear someone say something along the lines of "he/she is just so dense, they don't pick up on all the signals I've been sending," I think "what's probably happening is that he/she isn't interested in you and they chose the 'ignore the problem until it goes away' approach." Men are particularly good at doing this.

I think I do a pretty good job at picking up on signals. I often just don't want to act on it / am too indecisive to know whether or not I want to act on it or not.

I promise I'm happy

So a good friend just helped me realize that my blog posts as of recent have been lonly-esque and a little bit in downersville. Then I realized that while Facebook has become a place for me to spread my happy moments and realizations, this blog has unfortunately taken the brunt of emotion and become a place to vent frustration.

How about this one: I was driving home two days ago and a song from "Dan in Real Life" was playing on my iPod, and I realized just how happy life really is. It was for a moment all of the junky things people have to go through made sense, and that it is all worth it. (Ignore the terrible grammar of that sentence, please.) I helped comfort someone in distress on Sunday, I was reminded how greatful I am for the Restoration, and once again got to compare my life now with my hypothetical "I was never tracted out by the missionaries and subsequently baptized/converted" life. Being a member of the church has only made life harder.

Oh yeah, and wonderfuller. Can't forget wonderfuller.

Laura's right: butterflies in the stomach is great. I had it for the first time in a long time this week, and I'm hoping to have it again soon! I need to get her number first. :-P Wish me luck!

Along those lines, here's a funny one: last month I met a girl but never got her number. She seemed at least a little interested, so I was kinda bummed. Finally, after complaining to our mutual friend, he found an excuse for me to see her again. Something was different this time though--she seemed distant and less interested, including a classic playbook "hey, this is my friend so-and-so. She doesn't know many people around here." When instead I kept talking to her (kindly greeting her friend and continuing my conversation), this happened:

"Oh, well I just saw something on my fridge that I need to go look at. I think it might be a cleaning check notice, in which case I would have to clean all day tomorrow." (Exit: girl.)

'Nuff said.

Except that we overheard conversation that implied she has a boyfriend. Now 'nuff said.

I like stream of consciousness

Maybe because it's later at night and I don't have the energy to organize my thoughts.

Why do we judge other people the way we do? I understand that we need to find ways to organize personalities and all primarily based on first impressions, but when we then close our minds to re-organizing and re-evaluating thins along the way, we cheat ourselves of the truth.

There was a girl in church today (Matt, you know who) who seemed unsually sad (although I didn't actually ask her about it). I started thinking about the perceptions I've had about this girl (high-maintenance, mostly friends with people outside the ward, sometimes misses her RS meetings, etc.) and began to realize that I have no right to judge someone else. I am basing all of my judgments off of very little contact time and mostly on first impressions. I love it when people surprise me and change my ideas about who they are. Maybe I should also feel a little guilty that I was too hasty in the past.

I can really appreciate it when people know exactly how to say what I've felt/been feeling. Today in sacrament meeting someone bore their testimony about how there are so many people around us that go through the same (or very similar) trials as we do. What good would it be for everyone else if they didn't have to go through hard times? And I don't even know how often I've thought to myself, "yeah, other people have issues too, but they couldn't have gone through anything this hard." And it's not just a "well I know at least the Savior has felt my pain" sort of thing. People I know have gone through the same problems and same trials! The ones who always seem happy and like everything is going well for them. The ones who I talk to all the time, and who I've felt like I've come to know them really well. Those same people know what it's like too! What a comfort!

I'm going to strive for shorter and more frequent posts from here on out. It seems like it's easier to keep people's attention that way. Plus I've forgotten all the other things I had on my mind. That's the downside to stream of consciousness writing I guess...

I am self destructive

Why do I do some of the things I do? How come I wait for time-sensitive things until my opportunity has passed me by?

It's like when an opportunity comes to me, I subconsciously think "it'll be around for awhile, no need to rush into anything or hurry it up." Then, almost without fail, the chance goes away and I never see it again.

Just the other day I saw a job listing that I thought would be fun. It was only 10 hours/week and paid pretty well, but I didn't call until about 3 pm (when I saw the listing at 10 am). By that time they had already filled the position!

I talked to a lady in Provo that wanted some extra help with her yard work once a week for only 2 hours, paying $10/hour, and I even went and talked to her. Then I never called her back. What the heck is that?

It's not just work -- it's internship opportunities, it's projects I could be working on, it's my dating life, it's exercise, it's making good meals, it's getting up and doing something productive, and I'm sure I could keep listing other things that I wait too long for.

I've gotten much better than I have been in the past, but I'm still not where I need to be. I have done a good job writing things down and to-do listing, but it's not enough!

I won't do it anymore. No more. I'm done. From now on I'm capitalizing on every opportunity that comes my way (within reason).

I never write in my journal

But I don't really think of my blog as a place to just let people know everything that's going on in my life. I guess I think of it more as a place to let people know what's going on in my head. I also guess that's probably more what a real journal should be, so maybe I'm back at square one?

I DO have a tennis tournament coming up in 3 hours, and I'm starting to get a little nervous.

A push towards the middle

It's been too long since I've posted. Sorry. I don't know who I'm apologizing to, since I don't think anyone actually reads this...

So I've been watching a lot of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (quite left-wing, but rational about it all) and The Colbert Report (also left-wing but pretends to be right-wing in order to maintain an agenda of sarcastic humor) in the past few months. I think it has slowly started to make me drift from dead center on my political viewpoint to slightly to the left.

But last night I was watching The Daily Show and actually watched Jon interview his guest (I usually skip over it, but didn't this time) Newt Gingrich. I realized that there really isn't much "truth" in politics, meaning that people are rarely right or wrong. They just have stronger or weaker opinions, and are better or worse at debating them. Jon Stewart usually does a great job debating, but last night good 'ol Newt held his own really well. I'd say he won the debate. But I wouldn't say he was right. Or wrong. Just better at debating.

It reminds me a little bit of the law system. Then again I might just be thinking of The Fugitive we watched last week, where the guy was innocent but "proven" guilty, and the cop was all "he was found guilty in a court of LAW... the guy's guilty" or something along those lines.

Anyway, this all made more sense to me last night when I was watching it. Of course I was falling asleep at the time. Good news though: not only can you text Facebook to update your status, but if you say "note" first, it'll add a note instead of update your status. (As I found out this morning when I had a new note that said "to self: "A push towards the middle.") I wonder what else you can do through text to Facebook.

Fear

So as I was brushing my teeth just now and thinking about how bad I am at drawing (as I so often do), my mind entertained an idea for all of about 2 seconds that I should take a 2-D drawing class at BYU. Then I dismissed it thinking "nah, I'd be so bad at that."

Then I started thinking about why I dismissed that thought so quickly. (Keep in mind all of this is happening within like 4 seconds. Isn't the mind crazy fast? Well, in most people at least...) What is it that makes me dismiss the thought that maybe I could get better at drawing? Or what makes me shy away from attempting to get better at something that I'm not already good at? How come as soon as I have to start working hard at something in order to get better, I stop? At about the 5 second mark of this whole thought train I realized that it was fear. (p.s. my electric toothbrush has a 2 minute timer, so I guess I had a good 1 minute 55 seconds left to think about this, in which time I also decided to write a blog entry about it because it's been awhile since I posted.)

I dismiss taking a drawing class because I'm afraid that if I try it, I won't be good at it right away. I already know I'm a poor drawer, but I'm justified since I've had like no practice whatsoever. I'm afraid to go to a class that is intended to help you get better at drawing because I'm not good at it now? That makes no sense. I guess that's what fear does. Maybe that's why people are afraid of things they're not used to.

It may not be possible to eliminate all fear, but you might just be able to make it work for you. Maybe when I find something that instills fear in me, I should be more prepared to force myself to push past the fear and do it. (This doesn't apply to the rational kinds of fear like falling from a cliff. Unless I'm talking about skydiving or something, in which case never mind.)

I also think it's interesting that fear makes us vulnerable, but that it takes bravery to face a situation in which we're vulnerable. Like to me, enrolling in a drawing class makes me feel vulnerable, because I know I won't be nearly the best drawer in the class and there's the possibility that I really won't get a hang of it, putting me behind everyone else. But if I keep going to the class and trying my hardest, my vulnerability is leading me to face the fear and try to get better. I don't know if this makes sense in words, but it does in my head.

If you only do things that you already know you're good at (or will be good at), then what are you learning? You're using/developing your talents, sure. But you're certainly not gaining new ones.

I've told myself a number of times that I'm going to stop being afraid and just do stuff, and that way it'll get easier in the future. I figured fear would dissolve and everything would just become easier to do. I learned on my mission that this isn't true. I thought it would get easier to want to talk to strangers on the street. The only thing that got easier was actually speaking with them, and that was only because I became more proficient in Portuguese. But I think it was only very slightly easier for me to approach someone on the last day of my mission than it was on the first day.

I didn't learn how to disseminate fear. I learned how to overcome it.

Now I just need to get back in that same groove of overcoming fear; the fear that keeps me from new experiences, new learning opportunities, new chances to work hard and accomplish great things.

Maybe this will help me be more decisive. I fear making a bad decision even when there really is no wrong. I fear I'll regret buying the wrong kind of toothpaste or deodorant. So what? Then I'll know what not to get in the future. Maybe I don't apply the "you live, you learn" principle enough. Maybe I just try to learn without doing the living.

Hodgepodge

So I started this little collection of random thoughts a few weeks ago, and just realized I haven't been adding much to it, so I thought I'd just finally post it.

Answers to my own questions:
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Isn't the answer right there in front of you? San Diego! (Yes, I know that's just her name, but play along...)

How often do I ever answer my own questions? During prayer? During reflection? During self-evaluation? When is the answer right in front of my face? If we're really looking for it that hard, why can't we find it when it's so obvious?

Universalities
There are no hard-and-fast rules to practically anything! Name the rule, someone could probably name the exception.

Nike gives good advice when they say "just do it." It's harder than it sounds, but I guess that's what Nike's all about.

People (myself DEFINITELY included) need to lighten up and just enjoy things and learn to be empathetic. I should lose the sarcasm and learn to listen to people effectively.

Politicians are in a prime position to use superordinate goals to unite all people trying to make this country better, but instead they bicker and whine and thereby accomplish only a fraction of what they could. Compromise is a much less desirable conflict resolution method than using superordinate goals to accomplish a common goal.

Too Dizzy

I know that's not the right kind of "to."

So in one of my random Wikipedia-skipping adventures (you know, the ones where you go to look one thing up and end up reading about 20 different articles? It's sort of a brain-cell-strengthening version of surfing videos on YouTube since you actually feel more informed afterward...), I came across the Wikipedia article for Madonna. I had no idea she was born in Michigan!

Anyway, I was really impressed to read about her beginnings. Here's a selection:

"Madonna's ballet teacher persuaded her to pursue a career in dance, so she left the college at the end of 1977 and relocated to New York City.^[20] Madonna had little money and for some time lived in squalor, working at Dunkin' Donuts and with modern dance troupes.^[21] Speaking of her move to New York, Madonna said, "It was the first time I'd ever taken a plane, the first time I'd ever gotten a taxi cab. I came here with $35 in my pocket. It was the bravest thing I'd ever done."

I think of all the times I've considered being a musician, or an actor, or a photographer, and how every time I abandoned the idea because the road would be too hard and I was worried about what people might think. It makes me think of when children say they want to be astronauts. At what point does that dream fade? When do kids stop saying they want to be an astronaut (or a policeman, or fireman, etc.) and say "I want to go into electrical engineering," or "I think I want to be in accounting." Not to say there's anything wrong with wanting those things, but what changed? Is it that they honestly no longer wanted to be an astronaut? Or did they worry about what other people would think? Or was it just too hefty of a goal for them?

DON'T LET THE OUTSIDE INFLUENCE WHO YOU WANT TO BE ON THE INSIDE!!! Although environmental factors play a big role in who we become, once we reach a conscious state in which we can actively make choices as to who we become, we don't need to let ourselves be controlled by other factors than our own will.

Speaking of will:



Lizzy: LIVE YOUR LIFE! BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER HOW ANYONE ELSE MAKES YOU THINK OR FEEL!!!! I know that was basically verbatim what you asked to hear, so I'm sorry for my lack of originality in this paragraph. Hopefully something else in this blog helps too though.

Do what you want to do, and don't let someone else determine what that is. Develop your skills and personality to mold yourself into who YOU want to be, not who you think someone else wants you to be. One of my biggest fears as a missionary was that people would join the church because they liked the missionaries and didn't want to disappoint us. I was afraid of that because either the investigators would lose their testimonies uber fast, or they would never really gain one in the first place. One of the most important things about constantly re-gaining a testimony is that you need to want it. If I just go to church because I don't want to disappoint someone else, can I honestly believe that I am progressing?? Sure I may be learning things that I wouldn't learn otherwise, but what good is it if I have no motivation to apply the things I learn??

Take time to meditate for a while, extricate the outside influences from your thoughts, and draw up all the plans of things you want to do with your life and who you want to be. Include detail and maybe a few deadlines. Make some pros-and-cons lists. Then pray and ask what Heavenly Father thinks about it all. (I guess I would be wrong in saying ignore ALL outside influences then, huh? Whoops.) The difference is that God won't judge you for who you decide to become as long as you're doing what's right in the eternal perspective.

Then remember that everything cool comes from Michigan (including Madonna) and eat some amazing homemade Winger's chicken.

Should I stay or should I go?

Yes, please.

The little grey cells

I've wasted my fair share of time. Most notably when John broke his foot over the summer and we played Halo for hours on end, or when I got addicted to Desktop Tower Defense. None of my time wasting activities have actually made me feel dumber afterward though. Even spending time watching people's random videos on YouTube has usually been entertaining. Until today.

It must've been the lure of Michael Jackson's amazing music. I sat watching the following video (after finding it from the Best of Craigslist) and could feel myself getting dumber as I watched. I think at around 4 minutes my eyes crossed. Whether this was a result of my tiredness, or the result of my nerve endings forgetting how to tell my eyes to look straight ahead, I'm not sure. Either way, I left the encounter with a few thousand less brain cells than I started with. I suppose a good majority of them had just been invigorated by my finishing Shakespeare's The Tempest, so I'm not sure if they died happy, or if they felt like they were cut down in the prime of their lives. Either way, no point in dwelling on the past.

I'm going to stop writing now, because I can feel whoever is reading this getting dumber as they read on, so I will spare them the grief that comes with thousands of little cerebral would-be funerals. Please don't watch the whole video. Go find something more worthwhile to do, which probably doesn't include watching the "slow motion baby laughing" video on YouTube for the entire video's length. (Although that one is funny, not dumbening).

I'm going to bed.

Case Closed

Proven. (Click on the picture for one you can actually read)

In tolerance

If you can think of what movie/TV show has a line about being so famous, you're IN famous (as a description of that infamous means) the you get 100 points and my respect, because I can't remember what it's from.

Anyway, my story begins as such: I was watching the Super Bowl and saw an awesome ad saying that Denny's will be giving out free breakfast to every American on Tuesday February 3rd. (Today). So we got a big group all excited to go (at least 12 or 13 people said they'd show up at out apartment at 7 am, 0 of whom followed through, meaning at 12 or 13 who completely bailed/flaked out.), I set my alarm for 6:45 (and 6:47 and 6:50 because I know myself and my snooze is 5 minutes), and when I woke up we heard that the line around Denny's (not IN Denny's, but AROUND it) was way too long to be worth it. Grrr. I'll live. I made my own pancakes and eggs and toast and OJ and called it my own free mini slam breakfast. I'm over it.

In my grief I set my status on Facebook to: "Bob is a little mad at Denny's for their super duper long line today and ruining our plans. Crappy free breakfast promise: curse you!" Someone commented saying "And this is just a glimpse of what life would be like if we had 'free' healthcare! AAARRRRGGHHHH!"

...

For a long time I was confused about why I seem to be one of a few who doesn't have really strong political opinions. I kept thinking that I must not be as educated, or perhaps not as involved as other people. Recently I've realized I'm just more of a "white" personality. (Not Caucasian. Refer to The Color Code to know what I really mean.) I'm a peacekeeper. I see all sides to practically everything. There are still things that I'm stubborn about, but deep down I can usually see why people believe what they believe.

I think rather than pushing our views onto people, we should try to understand where others come from. That sounds cliché, but whatever. We need tolerance in the world, not dramatic debates.

You're never going to find a policy (outside of the gospel) that can satisfy everyone. Free national healthcare? Interesting how it's mostly the wealthy that are against it and the poor that are for it. So maybe the woman who posted the comment to my status doesn't want there to be "long lines" in order for her to get health care. When's the last time she had to stand in line at a soup kitchen to get free food? She doesn't need to because she can pay for it otherwise. It seems ridiculous to her to need to wait for the throngs in order to get medical help. What if she couldn't afford it otherwise? I bet her opinion would change. Seems to me like pushing political theory will always hurt some and help some. So get off your high horse if you think you've got the "right opinion." You'll almost always notice me get an uncomfortable look when I'm around people who talk politics, partly because I don't know what they're talking about, partly because I don't care, and mostly because I play devil's advocate with them in my head and resolve to believing they think they're more right than they actually are.

Intolerance can be acceptable I think, notably when the intolerance is directed at a person/group being intolerant. (Nazi Germany is the first that comes to mind.) The Savior being intolerant of the moneychangers in the temple is another example. It's not a sin to be intolerant of sin. (For our everyday purposes, however, it may be a sin to be intolerant of a sinner. Excommunication/disfellowship(ment?) is meant to help the individual in the process to repentance, not as a punishment.)

Anyway, we should learn to be so tolerant that we're "IN tolerance" :-) I.e. tolerance surrounds us in such a way that we can accept what happens in life with a smile and an understanding that what doesn't kill us just makes us stronger. (If not physically, then at least metaphorically.)

Suggestions from a white personality with very limited experience:

• Put yourself in someone else's shoes.
• Don't be quick to judge.

• Try to do someone else's homework at least once (not as service, but as a humbling activity for yourself).
• Every time you find a bad quality in someone, match it with at least one equally-weighted good quality.
• Only poke fun at people you know would feel comfortable poking fun at you.
• Don't say "poke fun" in public. It's an annoying phrase. While you're at it, don't say the word "utilize" either. Ironically enough, the word "utilize" is useless. Just say "use." :-)
• Don't be judgmental of those who DO say "poke fun" or "utilize."

Yeah, I know I don't have much good advice. I suppose they're really just a few of the guidelines that I try to live by in general. Whatever. Leave your thoughts, cause I often like them more than my own.

New day

Each day is a victory,

Each week is a grand celebration,

Each month is a miracle.

Each year is another shot at something more.

I'm too tired to write much more tonight. People who can say "I struggle" are my heroes. I think a "gifted" person is often a misnomer for an "accomplished" or "practiced" person.

Forward Thinking

I tried to upload this a few days ago and it didn't work (on blogspot, that is. It worked on Facebook and Youtube.) So I figure I would just include the link to the Youtube version. Make sure to watch it in High Quality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT0F1vLd4ko

I'm tired, and I wanna go to bed

"I had a little drink about an hour ago, and it went straight to my head." I can't help but think of "Jaws" every time I hear someone say "I wanna go to bed."

Anyway, this first YouTube video is long, but definitely most worth the time it takes to watch it. Revenge can be sweet.



And this one is perhaps even more unbelievable. Enjoy! I'm going to bed.

Sands of time

Besides being one of my favorite games for Xbox (Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. If you haven't played it, you should), time really does pass by as if it were slipping through an hourglass. To me, each grain of sand falling to the bottom represents an opportunity. The opportunity will pass one way or another, no matter what I do, but the difference is whether or not I appreciate and take advantage of it as it is passing.

The New Year represents a time when people flip over their hourglasses and try to find ways to recapture the missed opportunities. Of course there are some that can never be recaptured, so I guess some of the grains just kind of disappear each time the hourglass is flipped, and new ones appear. Then there are the ones that are always the same, such as the "lose weight" grain, or the "read my scriptures every day" grain.

I'm going to take advantage of the "don't miss any good opportunities" grain this year. Goals are an important thing to be restructuring and creating at all times during the year, but annual goals are an important way to keep your mind on the big picture. They're what the monthly and weekly and daily goals lead to. The daily goal can be to walk a mile every day, but the purpose is to lead you to the goal to lose 20 pounds this year. (These are my dad's goals, not mine. I need to gain weight this year I think...)

I made a list of things I want to learn (both big and small) and things I want to do/accomplish (bot big and small), as well as things about myself I want to change. Then I need to go through and make specific goals to accomplish each one. Otherwise it won't get done, and I'll watch more grains pass by without appreciating them. It's funny how my goal to seize opportunities helps me set and accomplish my other goals.

Just for fun, here's a list of some of the small things I want to learn/do this year:

- Learn how to do one of those loud whistles
- Learn how to juggle
- Learn how to type the real way
- Learn about investing
- Learn some more about cooking
- Go on a date a week
- Either go on a hot air balloon ride, or go skydiving
- Climb mount Timp
- Make a real study journal for scripture study

I like the beginning of the new year. It feels like there's something clean about it. Not quite like starting over, like baptism, but there's definitely something "new" about the new year. Somehow, it makes sense to me why Lucy in A Charlie Brown Christmas won't eat December snowflakes, but waits for January snowflakes. I can't explain it, it just seems right.

Happy January 2009! Don't let any important grains of sand pass you by this year.